End Good, All Good!

I was still busy with the preparations when the first guests arrived. Two guys who I thought I had never seen before walked in with the invitation in their hands and big smile on their faces. "We looked for a new Plawanki Rod for you everywhere, but we couldn't find one!" They laughed, and I smiled. "It's Plawanka, not plawanki, but nevertheless very welcome at the Mars Goes USA! Reunion Party!" The guys introduced themselves as Bob and Tyrone. Bob turned out to be the bus driver who drove Kil and me to New York City, and Tyrone worked in the kiosk at the Upper West Side. After a refreshing China Cola Bob and Tyrone helped out with putting up the decorations and with speaking calming words to the cheerleaders in the kitchen. They were nervous, after all it was their first international performance.

It has been a few months now since I returned from the USA. It was a hell of an adventure. Not only the vacation was amazing and unforgetable, the getaway was spectacular. After I found out the Koala Bears had lied to me and in fact were Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe's secret agents, I realized I had to get out of there quickly. Luckily Anton already knew about the true identity of these terrible bears, and came well prepared. The Koala bears, who hoped to have tricked Anton into a trap, were completely surprised. From the north side of Central Park they saw Anton appear, with right behind him Kil with a sawed off shotgun, Dan with bags of explosives in his hands, the Jehova's Whitness from the yardsale with a book to bore them to death, and the dancing woman doll from Coney Island who was a master at throwing quarters with high speed. From the south came Firery with 122 angry chickens, Del with his camera to take pictures from the battle, and to blind them with the flash, Pete with cornhole bags to throw and Chris to catch the Koala bears on grammatical mistakes. From the west an entire army of Care Bears appeared, and they were pissed. Anton had informed them of the planned attack and the Care Bears saw it as a great oppertunity to deal with this rival bear gang. From the East the Dutch army appeared in full strenght, all six of them. They kept a little distance, since they were only there to monitor, there was no money for ammunition in the budget, so they just stood there trying to look tough. I'm not sure how the battle was won, since I had decided to take a nap after all these new impressions and input, it made me dizzy. When I woke up on this pile of smelly leaves the fight was almost over. A few Koala bears were hidden in an old maple tree, but they soon came down to surrender after Kil yelled: "That tree might have survived hundreds of years of American history, but this shotgun will blow it into peaces with a single shot! Fuck it, I don't even have to AIM for the tree to hit it!" As she reloaded the Koala's gave in, and Kil yelled: "USA! USA! USA!"    

Tyrone decided to help out as a berkeeper, and Bob tried to be a DJ but he couldn't find the radio station he always listened to while driving the bus. I made sure the toilets were clean and the fart cushions under the toilet seat were not visible. More guests came in, and soon the whole place was filled with people socializing, laughing and having fun. Beth and Firery came in with huge plates of snacks, including crabs and grilled snake, Justin was in a corner painting a group portrait, Chris recited great American literature, and in the back yard the care bears were beating up a guy dressed as an insect, while the whole baseball team was cheering around them. And still there were people coming in! Three guys dressed as Elmo came to give out free hugs, and a human sellery came in and immediately helped Firery serving the vegetarian snacks. Eight guys in black suits came in and joined the party. They were NSA and intercepted the emailed invitations. Argo joined, and immediately got into a heated discussion with the NSA guys about encryption protocols. Anton and his friends arrived and got seated at the bar to talk about the enviroment, and also three UD students came in, not for the party, but to ask Firery some questions about a school project. It was amazing. I walked around, trying to welcome everyone, and got to shake hands with the people I only saw briefly when I was in the States. Vincent, who was the guy with the giant LaCoste crocodile on his shirt who we met at the bus station, turned out to be the far cousin of my mother's neighbours daughter in law. It's such a small world! Even Firery and Del's neighbours walked in, and later made a huge mess in the kitchen. But it was great, everyone was in a great mood, and we had the baseball team present to make sure the party would take ages to end. 

The Care Bears took the surviving Koala bears as Prisoners of War, and escorted them to Koalamo Bay for further interrogation about Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe's whereabouts. Panaki Uziezie, the head of Mboolie, arrived after traveling through space and time, to shake Anton's hand and give us medals for courage and for not having diarhhea problems. The Mbooli cleaned up central park and thanks to time travel this only took a second from our perspective. We all went to Isa's house at the Upper West Side to take a shower and clean up, and from there Firery, Kil and me took the subway to Kennedy Airport where I would finally boarded the airplane that took me home. My mother and brother came to pick me up from Dusseldorf Airport, and when I got home I told them about my adventures and showed them my souvenirs, like this awesome Koala bear rug: 

And then it was time for the performances. Although the Cheerleaders were nervous, they impressed everyone with their routines, even the baseball coach who decided baseball needs cheerleading. Chris recited awesome poetry and got arrested by the NSA who suspected hidden messages to terrorists in it. Anton and his friends were pretty drunk by that time, and shocked everyone with a striptease act. And then it got wild. Tyrone couldn't keep up with the booze, and just opened up the bar for everyone to serve themselves. Duda stepped on stage to sing, but was quickly removed by Bob who feared damage to his ears. An hour later it went crazy. The complete dutch army arrived and got into a fight with the guys dressed as Elmo, and they lost. The Mbooli were in the back yard, experimenting with leaves that the NSA urinated on while doing short time jumps. The care bears used their powers to take advantage of the innocent cheerleaders, but Kil found out just in time and kicked their bear asses. Firery had so much beer she wasn't aware of the flashes of Del's camera. He finally had the oppertunity to take pictures of her without her protesting. Justin's paiting was getting really weird, but I guess that was normal for him. There was a rumble at the toilet too, since a few baseball players had to go and they took ages in there. As more and more people went outside to pee on leaves, the head of Mbooli decided it was enough and took the baseball team back to the stone age, so they would be ready before the party ended. Around six in the morning everyone was passed out by the booze and whatnot, except Kil and me. We didn't drink, so we were in great shape and we took out markers to write crap on everyones faces. Another hour later Anton was up and awake already and started to clean up the smelly leaves and made fried eggs for everyone.  

While we enjoyed our eggs and looked at the photo's Del took, we all felt bad we would have to say goodbye again soon. Time flies, so its very important to get together when you can and create some good memories. Please remember this when Christmas is here. And we all have bad sides, nobody is perfect, so when you see a Koala bear in the zoo or in Central Park, don't be too hard on them. Just shout "USA! USA! USA!" and they will know their place. In time, they will come to their senses and realise they were wrong, and better themselves, like we all do when we learn more as we get older.  

This is the end of my travel blog, thank you all for following and reading my stories. Have a good Christmas and a good start in the new year thats coming. Tot ziens!    

A Weird Awakening

When I opened my eyes I found myself somewhere in a huge tree, surrounded by Koala bears. They were clinged to the tree, all staring at me, except for one, who was standing on the branch right in front of me, chewing leaves with an uninterested expression on his bear face. I noticed I wasn't wearing my tight pants anymore, instead I was dressed in the same clothes I wore when I left the USA, except they were not at all clean anymore. The Koala bear in front of me raised his eyebrows, and lowered them again, while taking another bite of the leaves he was holding. "It's good to see you awake," he said, "you were out cold when we dragged you up this tree three months ago." "Three months ago?" I asked, "I'm sorry, I am kind of confused about what happened when, since I have been time travelling a lot lately." The old bear laughed. "Time travel, you say? I fear you have suffered from some brain damage. What the hell were you doing anyway before you lost consienceness on the airport toilet?" I was flabbergasted. I was handed some leaves, and while I chewed them the Koala bear explained to me what happened. Apparently, I had missed my flight back home, and was found in the toilets next to a Koala Kare thingy. Late at night one of the bears found me there, and dragged me to Central Park into a huge tree, the home of the Koala Kare Bears. "Are you guys like the Care Bears I know from television?" I asked. The bears laughed. "No," the old one said, "They suck. But we care about them anyway. Thats how we roll."

It was all a weird dream, the time travel, Anton's secret, the mission. All this time I was unconsious in an airport restroom, and later in some tree in Central Park. "Not really a dream," the old bear said, "after we put you on this branch here, you had some really weird brain activity. Also, you wet your pants, but that's besides the subject right now." "Did I say that outloud?" "No, I was reading your mind, we read minds easily when we chew these leaves here. Especially when humans have urinated on them." I immediately spitted out the leaves I was chewing. The bears laughed. "What happens now? I need to get back to the Netherlands..." "No worries," the old bear said, "tonight we will all chew leaves and connect our thoughts, works great for problem solving. Meanwhile, we sit on this branch and wait for the Care Bears to arrive. We run a group therapy session for depressed Care Bears who stopped caring. A new supply of leaves will be coming in later, if you would be so kind to pee over them, everything will work out great."

I sat back and closed my eyes. I couldn't believe all the stuff I had been trough didn't really happen. It was a relief too, in a way, since the whole time travel thing was wearing me out. I fell asleep, and woke up again when one of the Koala Kare Bears was pulling my shoestring. A few moments later, they all gathered in a big circle around me, eagarly watching the leaves get soaked while I was peeing on them. They started chewing them, and when they closed their eyes I could see they were all moving simultaniously. After twenty minutes the old bear opened his eyes and smiled. "I have the solution!" "What is it, what is it?" I asked. "We will call Anton."       

Walmart, BBQ & the Pllltwah! Freedom Union

After I was regenerated by Anton a lot of things became clear to me. I will try to explain them for the most part, for I can understand that reading the last developments in my vacation blog might be a little bit confusing for you readers.

First of all, today is June 23rd, and I am sitting behind Kil's laptop blogging about my experiences today. The date on this post on the blog will appear as August 30th though. If you would open the earlier June 23rd blogpost, you can read about what happened to me today. Time travel has certain limitations that result in side effects like these, because it is based on the premisis that non-material abstract (but substantial) forms (or ideas), and not the material world of change known to us through sensation, possess the highest and most fundamental kind of reality. And then there is some math stuff involved, but thats all just boring stuff really. Anyway, because time travel has different effects on both the material and non-material world, it is essential that the travelers brain gets scrambled. Especially after eating pizza, but that is just a minor detail. Since I didn't have pizza, it was possible for Anton to initiate regeneration of the non-material forms in my brain. The result is that I now can remember things that haven't happened yet. The fact that this blog post will be published on August 30th is a workaround I had to implement so you can read this blog. If I didn't, you wouldn't be able to see it because my time travel happened later on, which resulted in an alternate time-space thread, which confuses computer systems that have been build after the occurence of the millenium bug. See, if the server that hosted the blog, and your computer, were both older systems from 1998, with the BIOS set to a date before Januari 1st 2000, then there would be no problem. Hence, even though this blog post is dated August 30rd, it is really only June 23rd. In short, I have travelled back in time and I am continuing my blog, mainly because I didn't have pizza.

Second, Anton is not who he seems to be. I can't tell Kil about this though, because it would complicate my mission. Anton is really 312 years old and he was a former worker at the Pllltwah! Mining Facility. He managed to escape to earth during the first world war and has been hiding here ever since. When in 1967 the Board of Refugees were secretly brought to Earth, they stayed at Anton's basement for a while. Later on, they one by one disguised as cats to move to Firery's porch to lead the Pllltwah! Freedom Union in their battle for independance. Since then, the Mbooli have send about ten undercover spies to probe the Board of Refugees, but they all failed. My mission is to gain intelligence on the location and current activities of the Board, and to deliver this information on a Plawanka Rod to the Head of Mbooli. What the Mbooli don't know is that I am not only Dutch, but I am partially a descendant of Greg Starfucker, and I operate as a double agent employed by Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe.



Third and last, but not less important, is that although I have a secret agenda, my main reason for being here is to enjoy a well deserved vacation. And thats exactly what I am going to do, and the Mbooli, the Pllltwah! Freedom Union and Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe can all stick their Plawanka Rods where the sun don't shine.

Kil is awake, and is making coffee. We will be visiting Walmart today, and later on we will have a barbeque, but you can read all about that on my blogpost that is dated June 23rd.

The Story of the Plawanka Rod

Today was one of the weirdest days in my life. When I woke up early this morning Kil was still asleep, and I walked downstairs to get me some fake beer and icecream on the porch. It was still dark except for the blinking fireflies, and very quiet, except for the occaisional mosquito flyby. Something was off though. The chocolate icecream remembered me of Firery's homemade icecream. When I concentrated hard enough I could remember eating it in between of seven cats that were trying to communicate with me in German. The thing is, this is was my third day in the USA, and I hadn't visited Firery yet. And then there were these pants. I could't remember buying them. I couldn't even imagine me buying pink pants, let alone pink pants that are as tight as these. And there was more. When I was blogging the other day about my arrival in the USA, I noticed the date of the post was incorrect. It was months into the future. Something very odd was going on.

As I was trying to solve the puzzle, I suddenly heard a voice right in front of me. It was Anton, Kil's neighbour. I smiled. We smoked cigarettes together in the silent darkness and talked about the enviroment, fracking, climate change, Inuit transvestites, nude whalefishing and extraterrestial life. When Anton asked me where I got the pink pants, I hesitated. Should I tell him the truth that I have no clue, and maybe mention the other odd stuff that I had been noticing? Could I trust him? After being silent for a while, Anton suddenly spoke:
   "You know, I normally don't talk about what I am going to say next, but I have a strange feeling that I should share this with you. This is going to sound somewhat crazy, I know, but I am under the impression that your brain is scrambled. Also, the pants that you are wearing are standard Mbooli uniform pants, which I haven't seen in a long time. It might not make any sense to you what I am telling you now, but I can help you with that. Just follow me to my basement, I have the equiptment ready for a regeneration procedure, after which you will probably feel a lot better. You are not having any stomach problems, do you?"
I was flabbergasted. I had been talking to Anton for 45 minutes and he seemed like a sane person to me all this time. Now it turned out he was having a psychosis. I decided it would be best if I just played along, and as I followed him to his basement I made sure I left all doors behind me open, so I could get out fast if he got aggresive. "Oh, I do need your Plawanka Rod for the regeneration process, do you mind handing it over to me?" I felt so bad for him. He was such a nice guy, it was so sad to see him in this state. He lost his mind completely. Plawanka Rod. What the hell was he talking about? When we stepped into the basement I was surprised. I saw all kinds of unknown machinery, giant tanks of a strange glowing fluid, and an open drawer full of marble penisses from old greek statues. Anton closed the drawer and turned around to lean on it, and asked me again for this thing he called Plawanka Rod. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about. He smiled. "Check your left pocket." I reached into the pocket of my tight pink pants, and to my surprise I found a shiny cylinder with lettering on it that said 'Plawanka Rod version 11.6 Made in Taiwan'. Anton put the rod in one of the machines that instantly lit up. "Is that a Plawanka Rod in your pants or are you just happy to see me," he said, and laughed. "All you have to do is sit down on that crate there, and put your head in the thing that looks like a microwave. Then close your eyes, relax, and end your blog post in caps lock. The regeneration procedure will start then, and you will feel better soon."
   "Who are you, Anton?" I asked. "I'll tell you everything about me and my work for the Pllltwah! Freedom Union after you regenerated. Now just relax, close your eyes, AND END YOUR BLOG POST IN CAPS LOCK." 

Yay! I have arrived in the USA!

Yay! USA! USA! USA! I'm here! For some reason I feel like I have been here before, but I don't have any memories of it. Strange, I also cannot remember where I got these pants...

Kil was standing at the airport with a sign that said "Raskolnikow", my Second Life avatar name. And even though we never met in RL (or AFK) before, it felt like it was meeting a good friend. Except she isn't as tall as she is inworld. I was very happy to be able to smoke a cigarette after about 12 hours of not smoking, and as you can see it took me only 3 minutes to look like an american cowboy, thanks Kil for the cool hat!

Kil stond op het vliegveld met een bord "Raskolnikow", mijn SL avatar naam, een grappig gezicht bij aankomst. En ook al hebben we elkaar in het echt nog nooit ontmoet, het was alsof ik eeen goede vriend zag, we kennen elkaar via internet al jaren. Op deze foto zie je me genieten van mijn eerste sigaret na 12 uur niet kunnen roken. En, zoals je ziet, ben ik na 3 minuten al volledig ingeburgerd dankzij de cowboyhoed die ik kreeg van Kil als een welkomscadeau.

Traffic in New York city is crazy. People here all seem te be very impatient to be first and get in front of the other, even in a traffic jam. The roads in NYC are one big maze, you can go to any direction at any given moment, and that just keeps going on an on. People are cutting each other off constantly, Kil drives a badass big 1500 RAM truck, so we were good.

Het verkeer in New York is een waar slagveld. Iedereen is ongeduldig, en netjes ritsen bij het invoegen doen ze hier niet. Iedereen duwt door en wie de grootste bek heeft is eerst. De snelweg van Kennedy Airport door de Bronx en verder naar het noorden bestaat uit een groot verkeersplein. Je kunt op elk moment kiezen welke kant je opgaat, constant zijn er af- en opritten, bruggen, tunnels, soms wel vier verdiepingen hoog. In het wilde verkeer waren wij gelukkig veilig, want Kil rijdt in een gigantische 1500 RAM truck. Foto daarvan volgt.

This is the main road of the town I'm staying at. It is really beautifull here. Around the town are mountains and rocks and and a wild river. Everythin is very spacey here, not like in Holland where everything is cluttered together. The town has a great hippie atmosphere, houses are all made of wood and painted in all different colors. The people are very friendly here, everyone says hello on the streets. Nobody locks their doors here it seems, there are no burglars here. Perhaps that's because people here all have guns. And like Kil says, you don't have to actually shoot to scare people away, if you reload a shotgun people will know the sound of it and run fast, 'cause those guns are so brutal, you don't even have to aim to do some damage, in fact, you don't even have to be on the same floor! Coming days I will be hanging out here, taking it easy, and visit parties tomorrow in celebration of the longest day of the year. There will be bands playing and choirs singing in the Widow Jane Mine.

Dit is de hoofdstraat in het stadje waar ik nu ben. Het is hier heel erg mooi, tussen rotsachtige bergen en bossen, en naast een wild stromende rivier. Er is hier overal heel veel ruimte, een groot verschil met Nederland. Het stadje is een soort hippie plaatsje, de houten huizen zijn allemaal geschilderd in vrolijke kleuren, en overal staan bloemen en handgeschilderde borden voor trommellessen en kunst winkeltjes. Niemand sluit hier de deur, zelfs niet als ze een hele dag gaan werken. Er zijn hier geen inbraken. Waarschijnlijk omdat de mensen hier allemaal bewapend zijn, zelfs oude omaatjes die alleen wonen. De komende dagen hang ik hier lekker rond, en morgen zijn er twee feesten om de langste dag van het jaar te vieren, met bandjes en koren die in de verlaten Widow Jane Mijn zingen.

Insects in the USA are huge, like most things are. You can see here this bug is almost the size of my sunglasses. I have no clue what kind of bug this is, and what it's doing. I almost stepped into it when Kil warned me, and pointed out the humongous monster. Bugs this size must be dangerous, they could bite off your leg or roll over your car if you make them angry. The only place where I saw bigger bugs was in the Windows Operating System.

Veel dingen zijn hier gigantisch, bijvoorbeel dit vreemde insect. Ik liep er bijna tegenop toen Kil me waarschuwde, en ik schrok me rot toen ik omhoog keek naar deze rare kever. Veel deed ie niet, een beetje lui liggen tussen de stenen, en dat was het zo'n beetje. Geen idee of ze bijten, maar gezien de grootte bijten ze zo je hoofd eraf als het moet. Ik begrijp steeds beter waarom mensen hier vuurwapens dragen.

Americans eat weird foods. This breakfast cereal has candy in it. It also shows that bears here are dressed as magicians and they grow beards. We don't have cereal like this in Holland, yet. I haven't tried this stuff yet, maybe I dare if I read more about bear magic and countermeasures like woodworm potions to break the curse.

Amerikanen eten rare dingen. Dit granenontbijt bestaat voor de helft uit snoep. Ik heb het nog niet geprobeerd, maar ik kan me voorstellen dat je er veel energie van krijgt, alleen al door de kleurstoffen. Ook kun je hier zien dat beren gekleed gaan als tovenaars en dat ze hun baard laten groeien. Waarschijnlijk levert dat een evolutionair voordeel op waardoor ze zich zo ontwikkeld hebben.

Here I am in the backyard of Dan's place. He has his own river. The water here has no smell to it and looks very clean. No visible fish though, but there are some nice waterbirds here that you don't see much in Holland. I edited this photo to make my legs look white as a vampire's legs, just for fun.

Dit is een tuinhuisje in de achtertuin van Dan, de overbuurman. Deze man heeft een gigantische tuin met een rivier erin. Het water is hier schoon en je kunt hier ook zwemmen. Er vliegen hier reigers rond, maar vis heb ik niet veel gezien.

 

 

We went to see the Widow Jane Mine, where they used to chissel and blow out rocks to grind and turn into cement. Lots of famous buildings were made by Rosendale cement, like the Empire State building,  the building the statue of liberty is on, and Michael Jackson's face. Inside the mine there is water dripping everywhere and it formed a beautifull indoor pool. I took some photo's of it but they didn't turn out that well, will do that again later.

 

Dit is de Juffrouw Jannie Mijn, waar ze rotsen uitkapten om cement van te maken. De oude cementfabriek heeft een grote rol gespeeld in de geschiedenis van dit stadje. Het cement van hier is gebruikt in veel bekende gebouwen, zoals het Empire State Building, de onderste verdiepingen van het vrijheidsbeeld en het gezicht van Michael Jackson. Binnenin drupt overal water en is er een groot binnenmeertje ontstaan, de foto's daarvan zijn helaas niet gelukt.

 

Here you can see me biting a little chicken's ass.

More soon!

Final Debriefing of Subject #11's Mission to the United States of America on Planet Earth

FOR FOUR EYES ONLY!

Location: Interplanetary Support Station Sclaggerwappa
Interstellair Date: 5 across the Zumbio
Subject: 11
Head of Mbooli: Main Mbooli Panaki Uziezie


Main circumstances:
In interregation room 6 we succesfully regenerated subject 11 after his succesfull abduction from the Netherlands on planet Earth. Due to the timing of the abduction (subject was on the toilet doing #2) there is a chance of infestation on the abduction vessel, which is being tested in dock 36 while the Mbooli operation the vessel is placed in quarantine. Subject 11 has regained conciousness and is ready for interrogation.

Interrogation Transcript: 
HoM: 'Subject 11, can you for the record state that you regenerated succesfully and are ready for final debriefing?'
#11: 'Where the hell am I? Where are my pants? And why are you speaking with a Nevada accent?'
HoM: 'Subject 11, you are presently at Scaggerwappa for your final debriefing. I am Main Mbooli Panaki Uziezie, currently your Head of Mbooli. Unfortunately we lost your pants during the abduction, there were some complications due to a diarrhea attack. We are currently testing the vessel. I studied english at our base in Area 51 in Nevada, therefor my accent. If you prefer we could do the debriefing in German too. Do you currently feel capable for debriefing?' 
#11: 'Debriefing? Is that fun? Who the hell are you?' 
HoM: 'We can reschedule debriefing and go on with probing?' 
[...]
#11: 'Subject 11 present and ready for final debriefing!' 
HoM: 'Have you succeeded in your mission to the United States of America to find the escaped Board of Refugees from the Pllltwah! Mining Facility?' 
#11: 'Yes! I found out they were disguised as cats living in Delaware. There were no signs of third parties involved. I probed one of the birdlike creatures that were living closeby, but the probe came out next day together with a white egglike object. I then decided to contact the Board of Refugees directly, posing as a contact from the Pllltwah! Freedom Union, and succesfully gained their trust. Since I was also undercover as a Dutch tourist earthling I had only limited time to gather intel. The information I did get is saved on my Plawanka Rod. And there was something else...' 
HoM: 'Go on.' 
#11: 'I am not sure, my memory seems scrambled, I'm not sure. I did find a usefull contact in New York State though, his name is Anton and he is very enlightened about the current state of the planet. I was unable to probe him, but I do think he could be a great subject for abduction and training for enviromental missions. Also, since no one locks their doors over there, abduction should not be a problem. Well, assuming there are no diarrhea complications of course, we all know how diarrhea can complicate abduction.'
HoM: 'We have examined your Plawanka Rod, but the data is unreadable. You didn't touch it after being in direct contact with blue crabs, did you?' 
#11: 'Oh, no, I never saw any crabs, let alone touch them. I did eat some snake though. They are funny tasting animals, almost tastes like Moonchicken from Pluto. And it was a lot bigger compared to our Wakawaka snakes, then again, everything in America is bigger.' 
HoM: 'Our attempt to send you supplies and additional data sticks failed. Mbooli Drtriwawa who was dressed as American Celery did locate you, but you didn't appear at the drop off location. What happened?' 
#11: 'It was too risky. I did see the Mbooli dressed as Celery, but at that moment I was in the company of a suspected agent from Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe. He posed as an English professor, but when he smiled I was able to see alien technology behind his lower lip. It was operated by 12 tiny Starfuckers citizens, one of them was sweating a lot. I was able to not panic and act naturally. I probed his beer but the probe seems to disintegrate in American beer.' 
HoM: 'My wives just texted me, I have to leave to the mothership instantly. My son just started to throw up his first Wakawaka snake. It's purple!' 
#11: 'Ooh, congratulations! No problem, we can always debrief some more later on. And I'll do the probing myself, no worries!' 
HoM: 'Thank you #11. We will need no further debriefing. My decision is made. We will send you trough the Monoflux Timelapse Generator, and return you to Kennedy Airport on Earth Date June 22nd. You will repeat your mission, but this time your partial memory whipe will last untill July 9th, so you will be prepared for Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe's agents. Also, make sure you are free of diarrhea during abduction hours, we cannot take anymore risks. But first, get yourself some new pants!' 
#11: 'Will do! Can I have my Plawanka Rod back? I use it to level out my old chair.' 
HoM: 'You know it is against regulations to use a Plawanka Rod for leveling chairs! Go to the Suply Station and get yourself a decent Futuma Rod for Sclaggerwappa's sake!' 

End of transcript    
 

   

 

Baseball!

I'm home now for a while, and I have adjusted my sleep cycle to Dutch standards again. Well, maybe English standards, because I always tend to go to sleep a little later than most people do here. It also took me a while to get used to being at home again, alone, instead of being with friends constantly. It's nice to have my own stuff around, but I did miss have people (and cats!) around. I made cardboard dolls of Kil, Firery and Del and we eat icecream together in the morning. When it gets dark I put cardboard Paul on my balcony with the cardboard chickens, where he will be closing their door. Since Kil is very busy most of the time I have to move her doll allover the place constantly. I am looking for a cheap remote controlled toy car that can carry it so I can ride it around while sitting on my couch. I also need to find a way to make toy cats loose hair. If you have any idea how to do this, please let me know!

Todays blog will be in English only, for no particular reason other than laziness. Also, we have been talking Dutch in the Netherlands for hundreds of years, I think it is about time we let another language have its turn.  

The day before I flew back to Europe I was tired. We decided not to do too much, just some more souvenir shopping and packing. In the evening Firery and Paul took me to a baseball game, which was very interesting. Baseball is one of the most popular sports in America. They play football too, but they seem to have some trouble producing round balls. American footballs look like an egg, and their field is full of lines. They also run with the ball in their hands, which would be totally unacceptable in the Netherlands. Baseball however is a totally different kind of sport. I have played baseball a few times on highschool, but I never really understood the game, because I always chose a spot way back in the field so I could smoke a cigarette. Baseball gloves are perfect to hide a cigarette in so the teacher doesn't see it. American baseball is way different, though. A lot of rules in the game were totally new to me. I was lucky though, Firery and Del also invited Chris, an English professor who, according to Firery and Del, knew everything there is to know about the game.

When we arrived at the stadium I felt like being in Holland again for a moment. Not because of the people or the stadium or anything. It was the fact that, however we already had tickets, we had to stand in line at the ticket booth. Something bureaucratic like that is probably made up by a Dutch politician who emigrated. The tickets we got gave us a seat way back in the stadium. If it were a soccer stadium we would be very close to the field, but Firery and Del told me they were not the best seats, and we would move to better ones after the game started and the uniformed guard would be gone. That made me feel right at home again, because sneaking to more expensive seats could have been something my mother made up. The home team were called the Blue Rocks. I know blue rocks from the Breaking Bad TV-series, but I am not sure that those were the kind of blue rocks that the team was named after.

 Baseball games take a lot more time than soccer games. Appart from hitting the ball, running, catching the ball and start the whole sequence over again, a lot of other stuff has to be done, things I never knew about. When Chris arrived I was able to ask all my questions about the game. Chris didn't look like a professor at all. He was a very casually dressed guy with a very friendly face who had a constant mischievous smile, as if he didn't take existance seriously and was secretly making fun of it, in a mild way. I also thought I saw a halo of light around his head, but that could have been the heat. I was convinced he was the reincarnation of the Buddha, untill Firery and Del introduced me, and told me this was Chris. We got us a drink and I then realized the game had already started. I was amazed I had missed the start of it, nobody yelled or sang war songs like in a Dutch stadium, nor were any fireworks thrown or riot police forming lines of defence. Everyone acted the same way as they did before the game started, and many were just walking up and down to the bar and icecream stands. Children were playing around the seats and people watching the game were having conversations and were making phonecalls. Chris explained the rules to me, while pointing his finger to specific areas on the field and people dressed in horsebackriding suits on the field. I have no clue what he told me really, it was as if someone was trying to explain complicated math kung fu to me. Now and then Chris asked me if I understood, and I enthusiastically nodded, scared he would try to explain the complex process again. The essence of the game was that one team tried to hit the ball far away, while the other team threw it back again. When Chris had explained the rest of it, and I asked him some questions that made it look like I actually seemed to understand, we came to talk about other subjects, like books, cultural differences between our countries and stuff like that, which was much more fun.

A furry walked by dressed in a Blue Rocks team, and I learned this was Rocky, the mascotte. Rocky was very popular and got hugs from all the kids, and me. He also shook my hand, but he had very sweaty paws. Unlike Dutch mascottes, in America they actually play a role in the game itself. During the game, Rocky suddenly came out dressed in a karate suit, and started to smash wooden planks that were held by three assistants. I was surprised that baseball had so many different aspects. I asked Chris about it, but it turned out that he didn't know as much of the game as Firery and Del had made me believe. He needed more and more time to think of an answer to my questions, and he couldn't really tell me much about Rocky's karate techniques, nor about the giant Hotdog, Moose and Donut that were in a running match around the field during the game. When a guy dressed like Sellery ran out on the field after a homerun I was starting to get really confused. By the time I saw three children with big sticks hitting on a guy dressed as a giant bug I was totally flabbergasted. Sports in America aren't just very complex, they are also very very weird. I took a cigarette break outside of the stadium to get back to myself after seeing these bizarre scenes. Meanwhile the game went on and on, and I started to realize why the people were not yelling and cheering and jumping all the time. This was gonna be a long sit. These people knew, and were saving their energy.

 

 It started to get dark slowly, and still the scoreboard was half empty. It was clear though that the Blue Rocks were way behind and risked loosing the game. Suddenly there seemed to be a very exciting moment in the game. I noticed, because I saw a few people raising their eyebrows, and a woman stopped knitting for a moment and looked up to the field. One guy yelled, but I am not sure it was about the game. Maybe someone stole his drink. Chris explained that if the guy with the bat was able to hit a homerun then three of his teammates could make it to the home spot and a guy dressed as sellery would run out again, giving the Blue Rocks enough points to turn the game around. Instead of hitting the ball however, he made a vertical movement with the bat and hit the floor with it. "Ooooh, too bad!" I yelled out, expressing my dissapointment on this crucial moment. Chris then explained that the hitman (or did he use another word?) always taps the floor before he gets ready to hit the ball. When the guy did hit the ball, the crowds reaction wasn't much different than when he hit the floor. The Blue Rocks didn't make it to a homerun. A woman went back to knitting and Firery and Del decided this was the moment where we would change to the expensive seats, even though we didn't have the proper ticket for them. Right after we sat down very close to the field, I noticed the uniformed dude standing just behind us. I put a lot of effort to act natural, and took a sip of my fake beer as if I had been sitting there during the start of the game. Del and Chris were watching the game again while Firery was looking up something on her iphone. My mind wandered off for a moment, when suddenly I saw Firery duck and a baseball barely missed her. It hit an empty seat with gigantic speed. At first I thought the people who had payed a lot of money for their ticket had gotten angry at us and started to throw stuff, but it was the damn baseball. A few moments later a guy hit the ball and the bat broke. A pointy part of the bat got launched towards the audience and landed just in front someone standing next to the field. After a while another ball was launced into the crowd, and then another. I decided to skip my plan of taking a nap, since I had to pay attention to flying objects sitting so close to the field. Why were these seats more expensive? It was freaking dangerous to be sitting there!

  
While the game was still going on, and some guys were shaving the beard they had grown during the first part of it, I decided to take another cigarette break. Soccer games are much shorter, and the gameplay is much more intense. This has pros and cons, and the good part about baseball games is that there is enough time to check out cute women, and get a drink, or to take care of your koala bear in the mensroom. During soccer you can't go pee, because when your team scores while you are wasting time in the toilet, people will make fun of you missing it during the rest of the evening. Baseball isn't like that though, and I do think the players do deserve a lot of respect for being so concentrated while so much time goes by that archeologists are doing excavations to learn about the time when the game started. When the game was over and we walked back to the car it seemed that years had gone by. I didn't get bored or anything, I really liked being at the game, but I could have never imagined that baseball takes so much time.

Back home we enjoyed more of Firery's homemade icecream and I went to pack. Del asked me what time I had to be at the airport in New York the next day, so I glanced at the paper and we calculated we would have to leave at 9 AM. Traffic could be dense around NYC, and I didn't want to miss my flight back home. More about my flight back home will follow soon.

Baltimore!

After our visit in Washington, Firery, Del and I made a stop in Baltimore to have a late dinner. Navigating to Baltimore was pretty easy, even though Del was using his car navigation and Firery used an iPhone app to do the same. Meanwhile they discussed about the best route options based on these two sources. These advanced navigation techniques brought us to the harbor, that had been renewed and changed into a boardwalk paradise with restaurants, bars, waterbikes, cute women on high heels and the reflection of my smiling face in all the windows we passed. We chose a nice Spanish restaurant where we enjoyed a great dinner while watching the sun go weak while the electric lights grew stronger.

Na ons bezoek aan Washington zijn Firery, Del en ik in Baltimore gestopt voor een laat diner. Het navigeren naar Baltimore was redelijk makkelijk, ook al gebruikte Del zijn autonavigatie en Firery een iPhone app, en werd de route bepaald door een soort concensus die bereikt werd na enige disussie en complexe beargumentering van beide partijen. Uiteindelijk bracht dit ons naar de compleet vernieuwde haven, waar fabrieken en opslagloodsen plaats hadden gemaakt voor een houten boulevard met restaurants en bars en nog meer van dat leuks. We kozen een Spaans restaurant en genoten daar een heerlijk diner terwijl de zon achter de gebouwen verdween terwijl er blikken licht van feestlampjes werden opengetrokken.

Firery and Del had told me that years ago these harbor surroundings were run down and not safe. Since the town had invested in this area it was doing better and better, and this had spread to surrounding areas. When we got back to the car, Del activated his navigation software and it pointed us back to the highway. We were headed back home, where seven cats and a shitload of mosquitos were waiting for us. Firery was somewhat surprised by the route that was chosen, and she pointed out that there was a highway inlet much closer than the machine indicated. The machine however laughed in an evil way, and took us through a street that didn't look as fancy as the previous ones. When I looked out the window I looked straight into a couple of reddish meth eyes, that belonged to a man walking on the sidewalk with a lot more movements that are needed to just walk. Firery asked to lock the car, since she was not feeling safe, but it was already too late. I saw the guy reach for his gun, so I quickly pulled mine and shot him right between the eyes. Del had quick reflexes, and with screaming tires we drove away from the scene. On the intersection however we were cut off by a black car and we had no other choice than to leave it and run. I shouldn't have looked back, but I did anyway, and tripped and fell while I saw the posse come closer. Del threw a shotgun towards Firery and shouted that we should aim at the saddlebags. With his handgun Del hit the first one, and it worked! The guy jumped off his horse to inspect the damage, and cried about the hole in his brandnew bags. I shot another one in the hat, that flew off and made the pursuer turn around to pick up his hat. While Firery shot another three saddlebags we heard the cavalery trumpet and the posse left. We quickly ran down the street into a rundown saloon and ordered a bottle of whiskey for Del and Firery and a glass of milk for me. After Del shot holes in coins we threw in the air, we won fresh horses in a poker game and rode onto the sunset while we sang old western songs.

Na een lange reis terug kwamen we eindelijk weer thuis aan waar zeven katten en een shitload aan muggen op ons wachtten.   

Here's a picture of Hogwash soap advertisement, which has no connection to this story or Baltimore whatsoever.

Hier een foto van Hogwash Zeep reclame, wat totaal niets met dit verhaal of met Baltimore te maken heeft.

Eating Habits in the USA!

I'm back in the Netherlands again. Flying back home was an easy ride, since I had two seats to myself. One of them a window seat, so I got to see Chicago from the air after taking off there. The big lake was immense. I saw a big grey cloud hanging over the city, not sure what is cooking there, maybe they are grilling snakes for the whole town. Eating habits in the USA are somewhat different compared to the Dutch. When going to a restaurant for instance, people in the USA have to wait to be seated. They announce their arrival to the host, and then a conversation follows, where the guests tell the host where they would like to have dinner, and the host will adapt the planning accordlingly. There seems to be a lot of planning involved in where people sit. In Holland this would not work. Here people pick an empty table they like best, and if anyone would say they have to wait to be seated, the Dutch would become impatient and leave. After ordering, in the USA dinner comes fast. In Holland, for some weird reason the people become very patient when they have sat down, and they will wait much longer.

Weer terug in ons kikkerlandje, na een ontspannen vlucht terug. Ik had twee stoelen voor mezelf, eentje naast het raam, waardoor ik Chicago vanuit de lucht heb kunnen zien, ook een gigantische stad. Er hing een grijze wolk boven Chicago, dus ik vermoed dat ze iets aan het koken waren voor alle inwoners, geen idee wat precies. Misschien wel tig slangen. Eetgewoonten in de VS zijn verschillend van die in Nederland. Als men bijvoorbeeld naar een Restaurant gaat, dan moet men daar wachten om een plaats toegewezen te krijgen. Men meldt zich bij de gastheer of -vrouw, en dan volgt een hele discussie waar het beste plaats genomen kan worden. In Nederland zou dit op de meeste plekken niet werken. Mensen gaan gewoon aan een leeg tafeltje zitten wat ze het meest bevalt, en als iemand van het restaurant komt zeggen dat ze zich eerst moeten melden, dan gaan ze wel ergens anders naartoe. Tenzij in hele chique restaurants wellicht, maar daar kom ik nooit dus daar weet ik ook geen donder van. En dat vind ik prima, ik wil een berg eten, geen berg omgangsvormen. Voorts duurt het in Amerika niet lang voordat je je eten krijgt. De MacDonalds in Eindhoven doet er langer over om een hamburger te maken dan een gemiddeld gerecht in een Amerikaans restaurant. Fast food heb ik in Amerika niet gegeten. Waarschijnlijk krijg je daar je Big Mac al voordat je 'm besteld hebt. 

These weird fries are sweet potatos. They taste very funny. I have never had these in the Netherlands, even they taste great with mayonaise. As you can see they cut them up in a Belgian way, rather than thin fries like the French ones. I am not sure what the green stuff on them is, nor why it is on there. Maybe the cook dropped some by mistake when he was handing a plate over with a vegetarian dish on it.

Deze rare frieten zijn zoete aardappelen, ofwel yams. Ze smaken wel lekker, wel een beetje vreemd. Ik heb deze dingen in Nederland nog nooit gezien. Ze snijden ze als belgische fritten, dus niet in dunne steeltjes zoals french fries. Dit spul zou het hier best goed doen, want met mayo smaken ze ook prima. wat het groene spul erbij doet weet ik niet. Waarschijnlijk heeft de kok dat er per ongeluk op laten vallen toen hij een ander bord doorgaf met vegetarische schummubbie. 

On the menu of a great Spanish restaurant in Baltimore I noticed a funny description. It says that today paella is a rice dish that can have any ingredient that goes well with rice. I asume Spanish chefs might find this very offensive, since they are very proud on the traditions in their cooking. Americans have incorperated food from all parts of the world, and somewhat changed them into something they like. Pizza for instance is very different from Italian pizza, in the USA they put anything they like on there. Candy bars, originally from the Kandee Tribe in Mozambique, where they were ritual food during the 8 day festival of the Big Tit, are deep fried in Texas. And the long bread from France is reshaped into a rope knot and eaten as a pretzel. Oilbals, that we eat in Holland during New Years Eve, have a hole in them and are renamed as donuts. I presume they were carried on a stick in the old days, that would explain why the hole is in there. Or it is like swiss cheese, where the holes are the best tasting parts of the cheese.

Op het menu van een Spaans restaurant in Baltimore trof ik deze beschrijving van paella aan. Kort gezegd is volgens deze internationaal geschoolde chef paella een gerecht met rijst, waarin je alles kwijt kunt wat goed smaakt bij rijst. Ik vermoed dat traditionele Spaanse chef koks het hier niet mee eens zullen zijn. De Amerikanen hebben gerechten uit de hele wereld aangepast naar hun smaak. Pizza aldaar is heel anders dan Italiaanse pizza. Ze mieteren er alles op wat ze willen, ook al heeft het met pizza weinig te maken. Zo zag ik pizza's voorbij komen met halve hanen, aardappel, muesli repen, slangepootjes en berelullen. Chocoladerepen, ofwel Candy Bars, die oorspronkelijk uit Mozambique komen waar ze door de Kandee stam gedurende het 8 daagse Grote Tietenfestival worden gegeten, worden in Texas gefrituurd. Overigens frituren ze in Texas alles, ze hebben zelfs een jaarlijkse wedstrijd waarbij men prijzen kan winnen door eten te frituren wat eerder nog nooit gefrituurd is. Stokbrood uit Frankrijk wordt in een scheepsknoop gelegd en gegeten als Pretzel. En oliebollen in Amerika hebben een gat in het midden en worden Donuts genoemd.   

Another thing I noticed is that Americans mix M&M's with popcorn. Apparently they assume it is the same kind of food. They forget about the fact that popcorn and M&M's have been at war for over 12 years now, since the popcorn incident in 2001 where a group of M&M's was insulted by popcorn while scratching their peanut. The conflict came to a boiling point when the M&M's struck back in the Battle of Cornholio, where big numbers of popcorn were surrounded by three regiments of M&M's and were crushed by a giant M&M called Chuck. Chuck later wrote in his memoires that his actions were a result of mind control by the CIA. The American government refused to comment on any of these events. After that, Chuck went through intensive surgery and now lives his life as a peanut in Mozambique.

Een opvallend gerecht was deze mix van popcorn en M&M's. Men eet dit in de bioscoop tijdens films. Tja, doen wij ook. 

Back to the Netherlands!

Time has gone by so quickly. Tomorrow I will be leaving already. Early in the morning Del and Firery will drive me to the airport in New York and soon after that I will be flying above the atlantic again. I've seen so much on this amazing journey, too much to describe in the blog so far. So I will be posting some more stories about my adventures when I get home, like our visit to Baltimore, going to a baseball game, happy hour, dinner in the American way, visiting a movie theatre and more!

De tijd is voorbij gevlogen. Morgen ga ik alweer, terug op weg naar Nederland. 's Morgens vroeg brengen Del en Firery me naar het vliegveld in New York en kort daarna eet ik weer een hamburger terwijl ik boven de oceaan hang. Ik heb heel veel gezien tijdens deze prachtige reis, meer dan ik tot nu toe heb kunnen beschrijven. Dus als ik weer thuis ben ga ik nog wat meer bloggen over mijn avonturen, zoals ons bezoek aan Baltimore, het bijwonen van een honkbalwedstrijd, happy hour, uit eten op Amerikaanse wijze, een Amerikaans bioscoop bezoek en meer! 

Some call it a coincidence, some call it fate, when we were out to dinner the other day there was one boat on the docks next to the restaurant. And the name of the boat was Lollygagger, just like we are called on Second Life in our virtual community, the Lollygaggers. Without that group I wouldn't have met Kilara, Firery, Del, Isa, Duda and Argo. Thanks Kilara, Firery and Del for the hospitality and for showing me your beautiful country, thanks Duda, Isa and Argo for meeting up with us, and thank all of you for reading my blog! For those I know on the grid, I'll be inworld again soon, and don't forget, upcoming weekend is Relay Weekend, so make sure you visit our camp at the Relay for Life sims! We'll keep you posted by group notices!

Sommige mensen zouden het toeval noemen, anderen het lot. Toen we laatst uit gingen eten troffen we naast het restaurant slechts 1 boot aan de kade. De naam van die boot was Lollygagger, precies zoals we heten in Second Life in onze virtuele gemeenschap de Lollygaggers. Zonder die groep had ik Kilara, Firery, Del, Isa, Duda en Argo nooit ontmoet. Bedankt Kil, Firery en Del voor de gastvrijheid en voor de leuke uistapjes in jullie prachtige land. Bedankt Duda, Isa en Argo om ons te ontmoeten en bedankt allemaal voor het lezen van mijn blog. Voor degenen die ik ken uit SL, ik ben binnenkort weer inworld. En, vergeet niet dat het volgend weekend Relay Weekend is. Dus kom zeker langs op ons kamp in de Relay for Life sims, we houden jullie op de hoogte d.m.v. group notices. 

More Wildlife in the USA!

The past weeks I have seen more interesting wildlife in the Americas. Apart from a dead piglet, horses, strange birds and mosquitos I have also seen a lot of cats. That's because Firery and Del have a lot of them. In America, cats sleep in very weird positions. They do that in Holland too, but thats not the subject here. If I wanted to blog about wildlife in Holland I could do that anytime. And perhaps I will. For now, I am blogging about the wildlife in the USA. So forget about the rest. I also heard a woodpecker, and Firery told me they are big blue birds with a red quiff, just like Woody Woodpecker. They sound like a machine gun.

De afgelopen weken heb ik nog meer boeiende dieren gezien hier in de Amerika's. Behalve een dood varken, paarden, rare vogels en muggen heb ik ook een hoop katten gezien. Dat komt omdat Firery en Del een hoop katten hebben. In Amerika slapen katten in de meest rare posities. Dat doen ze in Nederland ook, maar daar gaat het nu niet over. Als ik wil bloggen over katten in Nederland dan kan ik dat altijd nog doen. Vooralsnog ben ik nu aan het bloggen over katten in Amerika. Dus vergeet de rest maar. Er zitten hier ook spechten, nou ja, ik weet niet of het dezelfde zijn als onze spechten. De beesten hier zijn zo groot als een raaf en hebben een blauw lijf en een rode kuif, net als Woody Woodpecker. Er zit er hier een in de bomen, ik heb 'm wel gehoord maar nog niet gezien. Als zo'n beest in het hout loopt te hakken klinkt het net als een Duits machinegeweer. 

Chickens in the USA are very well taken care of. Unlike in the Netherlands, people name their chickens, even when there is eleven of them. People do a lot of effort here in building a chicken house. After they have build a huge house, they continue by building them another place for the winter, and a nice porch for them to wander around. Every night people here make sure all chickens are inside and then they close the door for them. In the morning they open it again so all chickens can go out and stroll around. In the Netherlands we just let the chickens do whatever they want to do, we don't care, as long as we can dump our garden and food garbage on them and we get eggs in return.

Kippen in de VS hebben een heerlijk leventje, ze worden hier echt verwend. Amerikanen geven hun kippen allemaal een naam, zelfs als ze er wel elf hebben. Daarnaast doen ze veel moeite om een gigantisch kippenhok te bouwen. Een soort kippenvilla, en als dat klaar is gaan ze verder met een apart winteronderkomen voor deze rare vogels, en een gigantisch extra ren waar ze kunnen rondlopen. Elke avond kijken ze hier of alle kippen binnen zijn en doen ze de deur voor hen dicht. 's Morgens staan ze vroeg op om de deur weer open te doen. In Nederland flikkeren we kippen gewoon in een ren en boeit het ons verder niet zolang we ons tuinafval en voedselresten maar kwijt kunnen, en er eieren voor in de plaats krijgen. 

Squirrels are considered a pest here. You can see them everywhere, in the countryside and in the big cities. They get twice as big as Dutch squirrels. In Holland we don't see them so often, and when we do we smile, because we love our squirrels.

Eekhoorns hier worden beschouwd als ongedierte. Je ziet ze werkelijk overal, op het platteland en in de grote steden. Ze worden twee keer zo groot als Nederlandse eekhoorntjes. In Nederland zien we ze niet zo vaak. 

Flies in the USA are militant, like New York pigeons. The don't fly away when you come near to them, they just keep sitting there, cool like Fonzie. Here is a video I took of one of them.

Vliegen hier deinzen nergens voor terug. Als je dichtbij komt blijven ze gewoon zitten. Het doet ze niets, ze halen hun neus voor je op. Hier is een kort filmpje. 

Things You Would Never See in the Netherlands

During my travels in the Americas I noticed some things that you would never see in the Netherlands. Here are some examples.

Tijdens mijn bezoek aan de VS vielen me een aantal dingen op die je nooit tegen zult komen in Nederland. Hier zijn enkele voorbeelden.

This barrel next to the road is meant for girl scout deposit bottles. These contain money. If a barrel like this was placed outside in the Netherlands, without any supervision, in no time there would be someone who would stop, pop up his trunk, load up the barrel and then drove away like nothing happened.

Deze ton bijvoorbeeld. Hier deponeren de meisjes van de scouting hun collectebussen. Nou ja, collecteflessen. In Nederland zou zo'n ton nooit buiten naast de straat staan, zeker niet zonder bewaking. Binnen no time zou er iemand langsrijden, stoppen en die ton in zijn kofferbak gooien en dan verder rijden alsof er niets gebeurd was. 

This is a toilet for midgets. In the Netherlands, you would never see a urinal hanging so low. Since most of our country is way under sea level, it would be much too expensive to have to pump the sewer water up so high. Therefor in the Netherlands urinals are placed much higher, and if someone would be too small to use it, we would help them by lifting them up so they can pee.

Dit is een urinoir wat nogal laag gemonteerd is. Die hebben wij ook wel in Nederland, maar dat hoeven die Amerikanen niet te weten. 

This here is not a bar with active prostitutes, but it is a restaurant where you can eat food that is called Hookah. In the Netherlands we would make up a new name for this kind of food, since people would make jokes about it.

Dit is geen bar waar hoeren rondhangen, maar een restaurant waar je gerechten kunt eten die ze Hookah noemen. In Nederland zouden we daar waarschijnlijk een andere naam voor verzinnen. 

Same goes for Cut-Rate Liqours. Reading this text out loud and interpreting it in Dutch gives a whole new meaning to it. The Dutch blog readers will know what I mean.

Tja, wat kan ik ervan zeggen. Cut-Rate Liqours. Het is wat het is. 

Washington D.C.

On sunday Del drove us all the way to Washington D.C. to see the monuments and museums that are very known. Washington is unlike other cities, because it houses the government and president, it cannot be a city in one of the United States. It is its own district. We soon found out that things are indeed different over there. When Del drove to a parking and got out of the car to ask if it was open (it didn't look open, but there was some guy sitting in a small office) the security guard was not amused. "This is a secure government area, I don't know where you are from sir, but if you step out of your vehicle and walk onto an armed officer like that, you may loose your life!" Del was asked for his drivers license and immediately they searched the outside of the car with a mirror on a stick and some electronic device from starship The Enterprise. After that we were free to go inside and park. At least we knew the car would be very safe there.

Op zondag reed Del ons helemaal naar Washington D.C., de hoofdstad van de VS, om de bekende monumenten en musea te gaan bekijken. Washington is een unieke stad, omdat de regering daar zetelt en de president daar woont kan deze stad geen onderdeel zijn van een van de staten, om partijdigheid te voorkomen. Het is zijn eigen district, en daar staat dat D.C. dan ook voor. We kwamen er al snel achter dat het in Washington inderdaad anders is. Toen Del een parkeergarage inreed leek deze gesloten, ook al zat er wel iemand in het hok bij de ingang. Dus Del stapt nietsvermoedend uit en loopt erheen om te vragen of het open is, en hij wordt direct teruggestuurd naar de auto. De bewaker trok gelijk een autoritaire bek open: "Ik weet niet waar je vandaan komt, maar dit is een beveiligd overheidsgebouw. Als je op die manier uit je auto stapt en naar een bewapende bewaker loopt, dan zou je je leven kunnen verkiezen!" Hij mocht gelijk zijn rijbewijs laten zien en de auto werd aan de buitenkant doorzocht met een spiegel aan een stok en een of ander futuristisch electronisch apparaatje. Daarna mochten we parkeren. We wisten in ieder geval dat de auto daar veilig stond. 

Del, Firery and I went to see the White House before we walked over to the location where we would meet Argo, our fellow Hobo and Lollygagger from Second Life. Around the White House there was a lot of security too, and when one of the tourist stepped on the street, he was immediately urged to go back to the sidewalk. In Holland, we raise the flag when the King is in his house, but they don't do that here in America, also for security reasons. Also, no one came to pick me from the crowd to be invited for coffee inside, even though I was The Great Cornholio from the Ho Chunk Tribes Wooden Shoe chapter. I did see Michelle waving behind the window, but that may also have been the heat, since it was a very hot day again.

Del, Firery en ik gingen eerst richting het Witte Huis voordat we naar de afgesproken plek gingen om Argo te ontmoeten, ook een goede vriend in Second Life. Rondom het Witte Huis was er ook enorm veel beveiliging. Toen een van de vele toeristen op het wegdek stapte werd hij direct teruggestuurd door een van de Secret Service agenten die op wacht stonden. Het zag ernaar uit dat ik Obama dus niet persoonlijk zou ontmoeten. Ik werd ook niet uit de menigte gepikt om binnen te komen, ook al was ik niemand minder dan The Great Cornholio van de Ho Chunk Stam, afdeling Houten Schoenen Krijgers.  Ik heb wel even Michelle Obama achter het raam zien zwaaien, maar dat kan ook de hitte zijn geweest, want het was weer tegen de 40 graden aan. 

We met up with Argo and had a drink to cool off and rest for a while. Argo is just like Firery and Del a very relaxed personality and very pleasant company. He lives near Washintgon D.C. and told me a little bit about the buildings we saw and how life was over there. The four of us then visited a few very interesting museums, like the National History Museum, the Nature Blahblah Museum and the Native American Museum. Everything has long names in Washington. People are used to that, so they don't call it Washy like they call Philadelphia Philly. Check out some of the stuff I saw:

We ontmoetten Argo en hebben even een drankje gedaan in de schaduw om wat af te koelen en uit te rusten. Argo is, net als Firery en Del, een hele relaxte gast met een aangename persoonlijkheid. Hij woont in de buurt van Washy, en kon me het een en ander vertellen over de stad en het leven daar. Met zijn vieren zijn we daarna een aantal musea gaan bezoeken, het Nationaal Geschiedkundig Museum, een of ander Natuurmuseum en een museum geweid aan Indianen en Eskimo's, de oorspronkelijke bewoners van Amerika. In Washington heeft alles een ingewikkelde naam. Daar zijn ze aan gewend daar, dus noemen ze Washington geen Washy zoals ze Philadelphia Philly noemen, uitzonderingen zoals ondergetekende daargelaten. Check hier wat ik daar allemaal zag:

This chair here is the famous chair of Archie Bunker, a very famous no-nonsense politician in the US.

Deze stoel hier is de beroemde stoel van Archie Bunker, een bekende no-nonsense politicus in the VS. 

This watch here belonged to Abraham Lincoln, one of the most popular hsitoric figures in the history of the USA.

Dit horloge was van Abraham Lincoln, een van de meest populaire figuren in de geschiedenis van de VS. 

This is a helicopter that looks just like our army helicopter. The difference is that in the USA this chopper is in a museum, while hours is operational again since we got it back from Libya where it got stolen after a failed mission.

Deze helicopter lijkt precies op onze helicopter die we net terug hebben uit Libie, waar ie gejat was tijdens een mislukte operatie. Het verschil is dat wij de onze nog steeds gebruiken, terwijl de Amerikanen die van hun als museumstuk hebben bewaard. 

These are Dorothy's shoes. She travelled very far on them even they don't look like steady walking shoes. It is said that if you click the heels three times you instantly travel to Kansas City. I don't know wether it is right mouse clicks or left mouse clicks, you will have to find out for yourself. So click away, but don't blame me if you can't get to work tomorrow because you are in some bar in Kansas, because they work one way only.

Dit zijn de schoenen van Dorothy, die hierop een hele reis heeft afgelegd naar Wonderland geloof ik. Als je drie keer op de hakken klikt dan reis je direct naar Kansas City, zeggen ze. Dus klik maar raak zou ik zeggen, maar geef mij niet de schuld als je morgen je baas moet bellen om te vertellen dat je te laat bant omdat het in Kansas nogal uitgelopen is. Ze werken maar een kant op. 

This is an American fish. You can tell by the size of it. It's so huge that Pinnochio's father could live in there and rent out more rooms to foreign students.

Dit is een Amerikaanse vis, dat kan je zien aan de grootte. Het is zo groot dat Pinnokio's vader erin kan wonen en dan nog ruimte overhoud om te verhuren aan buitenlandse studenten. 

This is a hyperrealistic reconstruction of the head of a Neanderthal dude. It took experts years to make it. In hindsight, to save time and money they just as well could have made a cast of my ex-girlfriend's father's face, because I see a striking resemblance.

Dit is een hyperrealistische reconstructie van het hoofd van een Neanderthaler. Een heel blik experts heeft er jaren over gedaan om dit te maken. Met de kennis van nu had men heel wat geld en moeite kunnen besparen door simpelweg een afdruk te maken van het gezicht van mijn ex-vriendin's vader. Ik zie een grote gelijkenis. 

Some of the things I liked most, besides the decapitated head of my ex-girlfriend's father, are these magnificent Eskimo ritual masks. I really love primitive art, and most of all I love how the Inuit chose to shape these objects.

Enkele van de dingen die ik het mooiste vond waren deze prachtige Eskimo rituele maskers. Ik hou erg van primitieve kunst, en de manier waarop de Inuit deze objecten hebben vormgegeven vind ik ronduit prachtig. 

I had already learned that Americans love food, but I was still very surprised to learn that a whole section of the National History Museum was dedicated to it. And just like on Hoagie day, it was very crowded. I had a hard time imagining that people came to see the history of food, while there were so many more significant things from American history to see, like Archie Bunker's chair.

Ik wist al dat Amerikanen van eten hielden, maar ik was toch nog erg verbaasd toen ik zag dat een hele afdeling van het Amerikaans Geschiedkundig Museum was geweid aan voedsel. En net zoals op Hoagie Dag barstte het van het volk. Ik snap niet goed dat mensen in zulke grote getale naar eten komen kijken, terwijl er zoveel meer te zien was van echte culturele waarde, zoals de stoel van Archie Bunker.  

The Lincoln Monument was very impressive. It is made out of beautiful white limestone and it is a great example of monumental neoclassical architecture. The monument was crowded with Americans and tourists who all wanted to be on a photo with the statue of one of the founding fathers of today's America.

Het Lincoln Monument was erg indrukwekkend. Het is gemaakt uit prachtige witte stenen en het is een goed voorbeeld van een monumentaal staaltje neo-klassieke architectuur. Het was er erg druk, veel Amerikanen, maar ook veel toeristen uit het buitenland die allemaal op de foto wilden. Zo ook ik. 

Visiting Washington was great, the only bad part was the huge number of mosquitos. I got bitten about 11 times on each lower leg. I got spray now though. Let them try it again and make my day!

Washington was fantastisch. Het enige wat minder was waren de muggen daar. Het barstte ervan. Ik ben een keer of 11 gestoken op elk onderbeen. Ik heb nu een spuitbus, dus laat ze maar komen, ik neem ze te grazen de volgende keer.