FOR FOUR EYES ONLY!
Location: Interplanetary Support Station Sclaggerwappa
Interstellair Date: 5 across the Zumbio
Subject: 11
Head of Mbooli: Main Mbooli Panaki Uziezie
Main circumstances:
In interregation room 6 we succesfully regenerated subject 11 after his succesfull abduction from the Netherlands on planet Earth. Due to the timing of the abduction (subject was on the toilet doing #2) there is a chance of infestation on the abduction vessel, which is being tested in dock 36 while the Mbooli operation the vessel is placed in quarantine. Subject 11 has regained conciousness and is ready for interrogation.
Interrogation Transcript:
HoM: 'Subject 11, can you for the record state that you regenerated succesfully and are ready for final debriefing?'
#11: 'Where the hell am I? Where are my pants? And why are you speaking with a Nevada accent?'
HoM: 'Subject 11, you are presently at Scaggerwappa for your final debriefing. I am Main Mbooli Panaki Uziezie, currently your Head of Mbooli. Unfortunately we lost your pants during the abduction, there were some complications due to a diarrhea attack. We are currently testing the vessel. I studied english at our base in Area 51 in Nevada, therefor my accent. If you prefer we could do the debriefing in German too. Do you currently feel capable for debriefing?'
#11: 'Debriefing? Is that fun? Who the hell are you?'
HoM: 'We can reschedule debriefing and go on with probing?'
[...]
#11: 'Subject 11 present and ready for final debriefing!'
HoM: 'Have you succeeded in your mission to the United States of America to find the escaped Board of Refugees from the Pllltwah! Mining Facility?'
#11: 'Yes! I found out they were disguised as cats living in Delaware. There were no signs of third parties involved. I probed one of the birdlike creatures that were living closeby, but the probe came out next day together with a white egglike object. I then decided to contact the Board of Refugees directly, posing as a contact from the Pllltwah! Freedom Union, and succesfully gained their trust. Since I was also undercover as a Dutch tourist earthling I had only limited time to gather intel. The information I did get is saved on my Plawanka Rod. And there was something else...'
HoM: 'Go on.'
#11: 'I am not sure, my memory seems scrambled, I'm not sure. I did find a usefull contact in New York State though, his name is Anton and he is very enlightened about the current state of the planet. I was unable to probe him, but I do think he could be a great subject for abduction and training for enviromental missions. Also, since no one locks their doors over there, abduction should not be a problem. Well, assuming there are no diarrhea complications of course, we all know how diarrhea can complicate abduction.'
HoM: 'We have examined your Plawanka Rod, but the data is unreadable. You didn't touch it after being in direct contact with blue crabs, did you?'
#11: 'Oh, no, I never saw any crabs, let alone touch them. I did eat some snake though. They are funny tasting animals, almost tastes like Moonchicken from Pluto. And it was a lot bigger compared to our Wakawaka snakes, then again, everything in America is bigger.'
HoM: 'Our attempt to send you supplies and additional data sticks failed. Mbooli Drtriwawa who was dressed as American Celery did locate you, but you didn't appear at the drop off location. What happened?'
#11: 'It was too risky. I did see the Mbooli dressed as Celery, but at that moment I was in the company of a suspected agent from Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe. He posed as an English professor, but when he smiled I was able to see alien technology behind his lower lip. It was operated by 12 tiny Starfuckers citizens, one of them was sweating a lot. I was able to not panic and act naturally. I probed his beer but the probe seems to disintegrate in American beer.'
HoM: 'My wives just texted me, I have to leave to the mothership instantly. My son just started to throw up his first Wakawaka snake. It's purple!'
#11: 'Ooh, congratulations! No problem, we can always debrief some more later on. And I'll do the probing myself, no worries!'
HoM: 'Thank you #11. We will need no further debriefing. My decision is made. We will send you trough the Monoflux Timelapse Generator, and return you to Kennedy Airport on Earth Date June 22nd. You will repeat your mission, but this time your partial memory whipe will last untill July 9th, so you will be prepared for Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe's agents. Also, make sure you are free of diarrhea during abduction hours, we cannot take anymore risks. But first, get yourself some new pants!'
#11: 'Will do! Can I have my Plawanka Rod back? I use it to level out my old chair.'
HoM: 'You know it is against regulations to use a Plawanka Rod for leveling chairs! Go to the Suply Station and get yourself a decent Futuma Rod for Sclaggerwappa's sake!'
End of transcript
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