I'm on my way again! And this time I am not coming alone! Follow Miranda and me on our 2017 trip to the USA!
http://mandmgousa.blogspot.nl/
maandag 5 juni 2017
zaterdag 26 april 2014
New blog about Dutch customs and culture!
On many requests I have started a new blog about Dutch customs and culture. Since today we celebrate Kingsday in Holland, I thought this was a good start of my new blog. You can find it here:
http://flatoutdutch.blogspot.nl/
Enjoy the read, and if you have any questions or request, don't be shy and send me a message, or just comment on my posts. I wish you all a good Kingsday, even if you don't celebrate it, wherever you are!
http://flatoutdutch.blogspot.nl/
Enjoy the read, and if you have any questions or request, don't be shy and send me a message, or just comment on my posts. I wish you all a good Kingsday, even if you don't celebrate it, wherever you are!
donderdag 12 december 2013
End Good, All Good!
I was still busy with the preparations when the first guests arrived. Two guys who I thought I had never seen before walked in with the invitation in their hands and big smile on their faces. "We looked for a new Plawanki Rod for you everywhere, but we couldn't find one!" They laughed, and I smiled. "It's Plawanka, not plawanki, but nevertheless very welcome at the Mars Goes USA! Reunion Party!" The guys introduced themselves as Bob and Tyrone. Bob turned out to be the bus driver who drove Kil and me to New York City, and Tyrone worked in the kiosk at the Upper West Side. After a refreshing China Cola Bob and Tyrone helped out with putting up the decorations and with speaking calming words to the cheerleaders in the kitchen. They were nervous, after all it was their first international performance.
It has been a few months now since I returned from the USA. It was a hell of an adventure. Not only the vacation was amazing and unforgetable, the getaway was spectacular. After I found out the Koala Bears had lied to me and in fact were Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe's secret agents, I realized I had to get out of there quickly. Luckily Anton already knew about the true identity of these terrible bears, and came well prepared. The Koala bears, who hoped to have tricked Anton into a trap, were completely surprised. From the north side of Central Park they saw Anton appear, with right behind him Kil with a sawed off shotgun, Dan with bags of explosives in his hands, the Jehova's Whitness from the yardsale with a book to bore them to death, and the dancing woman doll from Coney Island who was a master at throwing quarters with high speed. From the south came Firery with 122 angry chickens, Del with his camera to take pictures from the battle, and to blind them with the flash, Pete with cornhole bags to throw and Chris to catch the Koala bears on grammatical mistakes. From the west an entire army of Care Bears appeared, and they were pissed. Anton had informed them of the planned attack and the Care Bears saw it as a great oppertunity to deal with this rival bear gang. From the East the Dutch army appeared in full strenght, all six of them. They kept a little distance, since they were only there to monitor, there was no money for ammunition in the budget, so they just stood there trying to look tough. I'm not sure how the battle was won, since I had decided to take a nap after all these new impressions and input, it made me dizzy. When I woke up on this pile of smelly leaves the fight was almost over. A few Koala bears were hidden in an old maple tree, but they soon came down to surrender after Kil yelled: "That tree might have survived hundreds of years of American history, but this shotgun will blow it into peaces with a single shot! Fuck it, I don't even have to AIM for the tree to hit it!" As she reloaded the Koala's gave in, and Kil yelled: "USA! USA! USA!"
Tyrone decided to help out as a berkeeper, and Bob tried to be a DJ but he couldn't find the radio station he always listened to while driving the bus. I made sure the toilets were clean and the fart cushions under the toilet seat were not visible. More guests came in, and soon the whole place was filled with people socializing, laughing and having fun. Beth and Firery came in with huge plates of snacks, including crabs and grilled snake, Justin was in a corner painting a group portrait, Chris recited great American literature, and in the back yard the care bears were beating up a guy dressed as an insect, while the whole baseball team was cheering around them. And still there were people coming in! Three guys dressed as Elmo came to give out free hugs, and a human sellery came in and immediately helped Firery serving the vegetarian snacks. Eight guys in black suits came in and joined the party. They were NSA and intercepted the emailed invitations. Argo joined, and immediately got into a heated discussion with the NSA guys about encryption protocols. Anton and his friends arrived and got seated at the bar to talk about the enviroment, and also three UD students came in, not for the party, but to ask Firery some questions about a school project. It was amazing. I walked around, trying to welcome everyone, and got to shake hands with the people I only saw briefly when I was in the States. Vincent, who was the guy with the giant LaCoste crocodile on his shirt who we met at the bus station, turned out to be the far cousin of my mother's neighbours daughter in law. It's such a small world! Even Firery and Del's neighbours walked in, and later made a huge mess in the kitchen. But it was great, everyone was in a great mood, and we had the baseball team present to make sure the party would take ages to end.
The Care Bears took the surviving Koala bears as Prisoners of War, and escorted them to Koalamo Bay for further interrogation about Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe's whereabouts. Panaki Uziezie, the head of Mboolie, arrived after traveling through space and time, to shake Anton's hand and give us medals for courage and for not having diarhhea problems. The Mbooli cleaned up central park and thanks to time travel this only took a second from our perspective. We all went to Isa's house at the Upper West Side to take a shower and clean up, and from there Firery, Kil and me took the subway to Kennedy Airport where I would finally boarded the airplane that took me home. My mother and brother came to pick me up from Dusseldorf Airport, and when I got home I told them about my adventures and showed them my souvenirs, like this awesome Koala bear rug:
And then it was time for the performances. Although the Cheerleaders were nervous, they impressed everyone with their routines, even the baseball coach who decided baseball needs cheerleading. Chris recited awesome poetry and got arrested by the NSA who suspected hidden messages to terrorists in it. Anton and his friends were pretty drunk by that time, and shocked everyone with a striptease act. And then it got wild. Tyrone couldn't keep up with the booze, and just opened up the bar for everyone to serve themselves. Duda stepped on stage to sing, but was quickly removed by Bob who feared damage to his ears. An hour later it went crazy. The complete dutch army arrived and got into a fight with the guys dressed as Elmo, and they lost. The Mbooli were in the back yard, experimenting with leaves that the NSA urinated on while doing short time jumps. The care bears used their powers to take advantage of the innocent cheerleaders, but Kil found out just in time and kicked their bear asses. Firery had so much beer she wasn't aware of the flashes of Del's camera. He finally had the oppertunity to take pictures of her without her protesting. Justin's paiting was getting really weird, but I guess that was normal for him. There was a rumble at the toilet too, since a few baseball players had to go and they took ages in there. As more and more people went outside to pee on leaves, the head of Mbooli decided it was enough and took the baseball team back to the stone age, so they would be ready before the party ended. Around six in the morning everyone was passed out by the booze and whatnot, except Kil and me. We didn't drink, so we were in great shape and we took out markers to write crap on everyones faces. Another hour later Anton was up and awake already and started to clean up the smelly leaves and made fried eggs for everyone.
While we enjoyed our eggs and looked at the photo's Del took, we all felt bad we would have to say goodbye again soon. Time flies, so its very important to get together when you can and create some good memories. Please remember this when Christmas is here. And we all have bad sides, nobody is perfect, so when you see a Koala bear in the zoo or in Central Park, don't be too hard on them. Just shout "USA! USA! USA!" and they will know their place. In time, they will come to their senses and realise they were wrong, and better themselves, like we all do when we learn more as we get older.
This is the end of my travel blog, thank you all for following and reading my stories. Have a good Christmas and a good start in the new year thats coming. Tot ziens!
It has been a few months now since I returned from the USA. It was a hell of an adventure. Not only the vacation was amazing and unforgetable, the getaway was spectacular. After I found out the Koala Bears had lied to me and in fact were Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe's secret agents, I realized I had to get out of there quickly. Luckily Anton already knew about the true identity of these terrible bears, and came well prepared. The Koala bears, who hoped to have tricked Anton into a trap, were completely surprised. From the north side of Central Park they saw Anton appear, with right behind him Kil with a sawed off shotgun, Dan with bags of explosives in his hands, the Jehova's Whitness from the yardsale with a book to bore them to death, and the dancing woman doll from Coney Island who was a master at throwing quarters with high speed. From the south came Firery with 122 angry chickens, Del with his camera to take pictures from the battle, and to blind them with the flash, Pete with cornhole bags to throw and Chris to catch the Koala bears on grammatical mistakes. From the west an entire army of Care Bears appeared, and they were pissed. Anton had informed them of the planned attack and the Care Bears saw it as a great oppertunity to deal with this rival bear gang. From the East the Dutch army appeared in full strenght, all six of them. They kept a little distance, since they were only there to monitor, there was no money for ammunition in the budget, so they just stood there trying to look tough. I'm not sure how the battle was won, since I had decided to take a nap after all these new impressions and input, it made me dizzy. When I woke up on this pile of smelly leaves the fight was almost over. A few Koala bears were hidden in an old maple tree, but they soon came down to surrender after Kil yelled: "That tree might have survived hundreds of years of American history, but this shotgun will blow it into peaces with a single shot! Fuck it, I don't even have to AIM for the tree to hit it!" As she reloaded the Koala's gave in, and Kil yelled: "USA! USA! USA!"
Tyrone decided to help out as a berkeeper, and Bob tried to be a DJ but he couldn't find the radio station he always listened to while driving the bus. I made sure the toilets were clean and the fart cushions under the toilet seat were not visible. More guests came in, and soon the whole place was filled with people socializing, laughing and having fun. Beth and Firery came in with huge plates of snacks, including crabs and grilled snake, Justin was in a corner painting a group portrait, Chris recited great American literature, and in the back yard the care bears were beating up a guy dressed as an insect, while the whole baseball team was cheering around them. And still there were people coming in! Three guys dressed as Elmo came to give out free hugs, and a human sellery came in and immediately helped Firery serving the vegetarian snacks. Eight guys in black suits came in and joined the party. They were NSA and intercepted the emailed invitations. Argo joined, and immediately got into a heated discussion with the NSA guys about encryption protocols. Anton and his friends arrived and got seated at the bar to talk about the enviroment, and also three UD students came in, not for the party, but to ask Firery some questions about a school project. It was amazing. I walked around, trying to welcome everyone, and got to shake hands with the people I only saw briefly when I was in the States. Vincent, who was the guy with the giant LaCoste crocodile on his shirt who we met at the bus station, turned out to be the far cousin of my mother's neighbours daughter in law. It's such a small world! Even Firery and Del's neighbours walked in, and later made a huge mess in the kitchen. But it was great, everyone was in a great mood, and we had the baseball team present to make sure the party would take ages to end.
The Care Bears took the surviving Koala bears as Prisoners of War, and escorted them to Koalamo Bay for further interrogation about Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe's whereabouts. Panaki Uziezie, the head of Mboolie, arrived after traveling through space and time, to shake Anton's hand and give us medals for courage and for not having diarhhea problems. The Mbooli cleaned up central park and thanks to time travel this only took a second from our perspective. We all went to Isa's house at the Upper West Side to take a shower and clean up, and from there Firery, Kil and me took the subway to Kennedy Airport where I would finally boarded the airplane that took me home. My mother and brother came to pick me up from Dusseldorf Airport, and when I got home I told them about my adventures and showed them my souvenirs, like this awesome Koala bear rug:
And then it was time for the performances. Although the Cheerleaders were nervous, they impressed everyone with their routines, even the baseball coach who decided baseball needs cheerleading. Chris recited awesome poetry and got arrested by the NSA who suspected hidden messages to terrorists in it. Anton and his friends were pretty drunk by that time, and shocked everyone with a striptease act. And then it got wild. Tyrone couldn't keep up with the booze, and just opened up the bar for everyone to serve themselves. Duda stepped on stage to sing, but was quickly removed by Bob who feared damage to his ears. An hour later it went crazy. The complete dutch army arrived and got into a fight with the guys dressed as Elmo, and they lost. The Mbooli were in the back yard, experimenting with leaves that the NSA urinated on while doing short time jumps. The care bears used their powers to take advantage of the innocent cheerleaders, but Kil found out just in time and kicked their bear asses. Firery had so much beer she wasn't aware of the flashes of Del's camera. He finally had the oppertunity to take pictures of her without her protesting. Justin's paiting was getting really weird, but I guess that was normal for him. There was a rumble at the toilet too, since a few baseball players had to go and they took ages in there. As more and more people went outside to pee on leaves, the head of Mbooli decided it was enough and took the baseball team back to the stone age, so they would be ready before the party ended. Around six in the morning everyone was passed out by the booze and whatnot, except Kil and me. We didn't drink, so we were in great shape and we took out markers to write crap on everyones faces. Another hour later Anton was up and awake already and started to clean up the smelly leaves and made fried eggs for everyone.
While we enjoyed our eggs and looked at the photo's Del took, we all felt bad we would have to say goodbye again soon. Time flies, so its very important to get together when you can and create some good memories. Please remember this when Christmas is here. And we all have bad sides, nobody is perfect, so when you see a Koala bear in the zoo or in Central Park, don't be too hard on them. Just shout "USA! USA! USA!" and they will know their place. In time, they will come to their senses and realise they were wrong, and better themselves, like we all do when we learn more as we get older.
This is the end of my travel blog, thank you all for following and reading my stories. Have a good Christmas and a good start in the new year thats coming. Tot ziens!
zondag 6 oktober 2013
A Weird Awakening
When I opened my eyes I found myself somewhere in a huge tree, surrounded by Koala bears. They were clinged to the tree, all staring at me, except for one, who was standing on the branch right in front of me, chewing leaves with an uninterested expression on his bear face. I noticed I wasn't wearing my tight pants anymore, instead I was dressed in the same clothes I wore when I left the USA, except they were not at all clean anymore. The Koala bear in front of me raised his eyebrows, and lowered them again, while taking another bite of the leaves he was holding. "It's good to see you awake," he said, "you were out cold when we dragged you up this tree three months ago." "Three months ago?" I asked, "I'm sorry, I am kind of confused about what happened when, since I have been time travelling a lot lately." The old bear laughed. "Time travel, you say? I fear you have suffered from some brain damage. What the hell were you doing anyway before you lost consienceness on the airport toilet?" I was flabbergasted. I was handed some leaves, and while I chewed them the Koala bear explained to me what happened. Apparently, I had missed my flight back home, and was found in the toilets next to a Koala Kare thingy. Late at night one of the bears found me there, and dragged me to Central Park into a huge tree, the home of the Koala Kare Bears. "Are you guys like the Care Bears I know from television?" I asked. The bears laughed. "No," the old one said, "They suck. But we care about them anyway. Thats how we roll."
It was all a weird dream, the time travel, Anton's secret, the mission. All this time I was unconsious in an airport restroom, and later in some tree in Central Park. "Not really a dream," the old bear said, "after we put you on this branch here, you had some really weird brain activity. Also, you wet your pants, but that's besides the subject right now." "Did I say that outloud?" "No, I was reading your mind, we read minds easily when we chew these leaves here. Especially when humans have urinated on them." I immediately spitted out the leaves I was chewing. The bears laughed. "What happens now? I need to get back to the Netherlands..." "No worries," the old bear said, "tonight we will all chew leaves and connect our thoughts, works great for problem solving. Meanwhile, we sit on this branch and wait for the Care Bears to arrive. We run a group therapy session for depressed Care Bears who stopped caring. A new supply of leaves will be coming in later, if you would be so kind to pee over them, everything will work out great."
I sat back and closed my eyes. I couldn't believe all the stuff I had been trough didn't really happen. It was a relief too, in a way, since the whole time travel thing was wearing me out. I fell asleep, and woke up again when one of the Koala Kare Bears was pulling my shoestring. A few moments later, they all gathered in a big circle around me, eagarly watching the leaves get soaked while I was peeing on them. They started chewing them, and when they closed their eyes I could see they were all moving simultaniously. After twenty minutes the old bear opened his eyes and smiled. "I have the solution!" "What is it, what is it?" I asked. "We will call Anton."
It was all a weird dream, the time travel, Anton's secret, the mission. All this time I was unconsious in an airport restroom, and later in some tree in Central Park. "Not really a dream," the old bear said, "after we put you on this branch here, you had some really weird brain activity. Also, you wet your pants, but that's besides the subject right now." "Did I say that outloud?" "No, I was reading your mind, we read minds easily when we chew these leaves here. Especially when humans have urinated on them." I immediately spitted out the leaves I was chewing. The bears laughed. "What happens now? I need to get back to the Netherlands..." "No worries," the old bear said, "tonight we will all chew leaves and connect our thoughts, works great for problem solving. Meanwhile, we sit on this branch and wait for the Care Bears to arrive. We run a group therapy session for depressed Care Bears who stopped caring. A new supply of leaves will be coming in later, if you would be so kind to pee over them, everything will work out great."
I sat back and closed my eyes. I couldn't believe all the stuff I had been trough didn't really happen. It was a relief too, in a way, since the whole time travel thing was wearing me out. I fell asleep, and woke up again when one of the Koala Kare Bears was pulling my shoestring. A few moments later, they all gathered in a big circle around me, eagarly watching the leaves get soaked while I was peeing on them. They started chewing them, and when they closed their eyes I could see they were all moving simultaniously. After twenty minutes the old bear opened his eyes and smiled. "I have the solution!" "What is it, what is it?" I asked. "We will call Anton."
vrijdag 30 augustus 2013
Walmart, BBQ & the Pllltwah! Freedom Union
After I was regenerated by Anton a lot of things became clear to me. I will try to explain them for the most part, for I can understand that reading the last developments in my vacation blog might be a little bit confusing for you readers.
First of all, today is June 23rd, and I am sitting behind Kil's laptop blogging about my experiences today. The date on this post on the blog will appear as August 30th though. If you would open the earlier June 23rd blogpost, you can read about what happened to me today. Time travel has certain limitations that result in side effects like these, because it is based on the premisis that non-material abstract (but substantial) forms (or ideas), and not the material world of change known to us through sensation, possess the highest and most fundamental kind of reality. And then there is some math stuff involved, but thats all just boring stuff really. Anyway, because time travel has different effects on both the material and non-material world, it is essential that the travelers brain gets scrambled. Especially after eating pizza, but that is just a minor detail. Since I didn't have pizza, it was possible for Anton to initiate regeneration of the non-material forms in my brain. The result is that I now can remember things that haven't happened yet. The fact that this blog post will be published on August 30th is a workaround I had to implement so you can read this blog. If I didn't, you wouldn't be able to see it because my time travel happened later on, which resulted in an alternate time-space thread, which confuses computer systems that have been build after the occurence of the millenium bug. See, if the server that hosted the blog, and your computer, were both older systems from 1998, with the BIOS set to a date before Januari 1st 2000, then there would be no problem. Hence, even though this blog post is dated August 30rd, it is really only June 23rd. In short, I have travelled back in time and I am continuing my blog, mainly because I didn't have pizza.
Second, Anton is not who he seems to be. I can't tell Kil about this though, because it would complicate my mission. Anton is really 312 years old and he was a former worker at the Pllltwah! Mining Facility. He managed to escape to earth during the first world war and has been hiding here ever since. When in 1967 the Board of Refugees were secretly brought to Earth, they stayed at Anton's basement for a while. Later on, they one by one disguised as cats to move to Firery's porch to lead the Pllltwah! Freedom Union in their battle for independance. Since then, the Mbooli have send about ten undercover spies to probe the Board of Refugees, but they all failed. My mission is to gain intelligence on the location and current activities of the Board, and to deliver this information on a Plawanka Rod to the Head of Mbooli. What the Mbooli don't know is that I am not only Dutch, but I am partially a descendant of Greg Starfucker, and I operate as a double agent employed by Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe.
Third and last, but not less important, is that although I have a secret agenda, my main reason for being here is to enjoy a well deserved vacation. And thats exactly what I am going to do, and the Mbooli, the Pllltwah! Freedom Union and Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe can all stick their Plawanka Rods where the sun don't shine.
Kil is awake, and is making coffee. We will be visiting Walmart today, and later on we will have a barbeque, but you can read all about that on my blogpost that is dated June 23rd.
First of all, today is June 23rd, and I am sitting behind Kil's laptop blogging about my experiences today. The date on this post on the blog will appear as August 30th though. If you would open the earlier June 23rd blogpost, you can read about what happened to me today. Time travel has certain limitations that result in side effects like these, because it is based on the premisis that non-material abstract (but substantial) forms (or ideas), and not the material world of change known to us through sensation, possess the highest and most fundamental kind of reality. And then there is some math stuff involved, but thats all just boring stuff really. Anyway, because time travel has different effects on both the material and non-material world, it is essential that the travelers brain gets scrambled. Especially after eating pizza, but that is just a minor detail. Since I didn't have pizza, it was possible for Anton to initiate regeneration of the non-material forms in my brain. The result is that I now can remember things that haven't happened yet. The fact that this blog post will be published on August 30th is a workaround I had to implement so you can read this blog. If I didn't, you wouldn't be able to see it because my time travel happened later on, which resulted in an alternate time-space thread, which confuses computer systems that have been build after the occurence of the millenium bug. See, if the server that hosted the blog, and your computer, were both older systems from 1998, with the BIOS set to a date before Januari 1st 2000, then there would be no problem. Hence, even though this blog post is dated August 30rd, it is really only June 23rd. In short, I have travelled back in time and I am continuing my blog, mainly because I didn't have pizza.
Second, Anton is not who he seems to be. I can't tell Kil about this though, because it would complicate my mission. Anton is really 312 years old and he was a former worker at the Pllltwah! Mining Facility. He managed to escape to earth during the first world war and has been hiding here ever since. When in 1967 the Board of Refugees were secretly brought to Earth, they stayed at Anton's basement for a while. Later on, they one by one disguised as cats to move to Firery's porch to lead the Pllltwah! Freedom Union in their battle for independance. Since then, the Mbooli have send about ten undercover spies to probe the Board of Refugees, but they all failed. My mission is to gain intelligence on the location and current activities of the Board, and to deliver this information on a Plawanka Rod to the Head of Mbooli. What the Mbooli don't know is that I am not only Dutch, but I am partially a descendant of Greg Starfucker, and I operate as a double agent employed by Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe.
Third and last, but not less important, is that although I have a secret agenda, my main reason for being here is to enjoy a well deserved vacation. And thats exactly what I am going to do, and the Mbooli, the Pllltwah! Freedom Union and Lord Gemoetoebekhouwe can all stick their Plawanka Rods where the sun don't shine.
Kil is awake, and is making coffee. We will be visiting Walmart today, and later on we will have a barbeque, but you can read all about that on my blogpost that is dated June 23rd.
dinsdag 27 augustus 2013
The Story of the Plawanka Rod
Today was one of the weirdest days in my life. When I woke up early this morning Kil was still asleep, and I walked downstairs to get me some fake beer and icecream on the porch. It was still dark except for the blinking fireflies, and very quiet, except for the occaisional mosquito flyby. Something was off though. The chocolate icecream remembered me of Firery's homemade icecream. When I concentrated hard enough I could remember eating it in between of seven cats that were trying to communicate with me in German. The thing is, this is was my third day in the USA, and I hadn't visited Firery yet. And then there were these pants. I could't remember buying them. I couldn't even imagine me buying pink pants, let alone pink pants that are as tight as these. And there was more. When I was blogging the other day about my arrival in the USA, I noticed the date of the post was incorrect. It was months into the future. Something very odd was going on.
As I was trying to solve the puzzle, I suddenly heard a voice right in front of me. It was Anton, Kil's neighbour. I smiled. We smoked cigarettes together in the silent darkness and talked about the enviroment, fracking, climate change, Inuit transvestites, nude whalefishing and extraterrestial life. When Anton asked me where I got the pink pants, I hesitated. Should I tell him the truth that I have no clue, and maybe mention the other odd stuff that I had been noticing? Could I trust him? After being silent for a while, Anton suddenly spoke:
"You know, I normally don't talk about what I am going to say next, but I have a strange feeling that I should share this with you. This is going to sound somewhat crazy, I know, but I am under the impression that your brain is scrambled. Also, the pants that you are wearing are standard Mbooli uniform pants, which I haven't seen in a long time. It might not make any sense to you what I am telling you now, but I can help you with that. Just follow me to my basement, I have the equiptment ready for a regeneration procedure, after which you will probably feel a lot better. You are not having any stomach problems, do you?"
I was flabbergasted. I had been talking to Anton for 45 minutes and he seemed like a sane person to me all this time. Now it turned out he was having a psychosis. I decided it would be best if I just played along, and as I followed him to his basement I made sure I left all doors behind me open, so I could get out fast if he got aggresive. "Oh, I do need your Plawanka Rod for the regeneration process, do you mind handing it over to me?" I felt so bad for him. He was such a nice guy, it was so sad to see him in this state. He lost his mind completely. Plawanka Rod. What the hell was he talking about? When we stepped into the basement I was surprised. I saw all kinds of unknown machinery, giant tanks of a strange glowing fluid, and an open drawer full of marble penisses from old greek statues. Anton closed the drawer and turned around to lean on it, and asked me again for this thing he called Plawanka Rod. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about. He smiled. "Check your left pocket." I reached into the pocket of my tight pink pants, and to my surprise I found a shiny cylinder with lettering on it that said 'Plawanka Rod version 11.6 Made in Taiwan'. Anton put the rod in one of the machines that instantly lit up. "Is that a Plawanka Rod in your pants or are you just happy to see me," he said, and laughed. "All you have to do is sit down on that crate there, and put your head in the thing that looks like a microwave. Then close your eyes, relax, and end your blog post in caps lock. The regeneration procedure will start then, and you will feel better soon."
"Who are you, Anton?" I asked. "I'll tell you everything about me and my work for the Pllltwah! Freedom Union after you regenerated. Now just relax, close your eyes, AND END YOUR BLOG POST IN CAPS LOCK."
As I was trying to solve the puzzle, I suddenly heard a voice right in front of me. It was Anton, Kil's neighbour. I smiled. We smoked cigarettes together in the silent darkness and talked about the enviroment, fracking, climate change, Inuit transvestites, nude whalefishing and extraterrestial life. When Anton asked me where I got the pink pants, I hesitated. Should I tell him the truth that I have no clue, and maybe mention the other odd stuff that I had been noticing? Could I trust him? After being silent for a while, Anton suddenly spoke:
"You know, I normally don't talk about what I am going to say next, but I have a strange feeling that I should share this with you. This is going to sound somewhat crazy, I know, but I am under the impression that your brain is scrambled. Also, the pants that you are wearing are standard Mbooli uniform pants, which I haven't seen in a long time. It might not make any sense to you what I am telling you now, but I can help you with that. Just follow me to my basement, I have the equiptment ready for a regeneration procedure, after which you will probably feel a lot better. You are not having any stomach problems, do you?"
I was flabbergasted. I had been talking to Anton for 45 minutes and he seemed like a sane person to me all this time. Now it turned out he was having a psychosis. I decided it would be best if I just played along, and as I followed him to his basement I made sure I left all doors behind me open, so I could get out fast if he got aggresive. "Oh, I do need your Plawanka Rod for the regeneration process, do you mind handing it over to me?" I felt so bad for him. He was such a nice guy, it was so sad to see him in this state. He lost his mind completely. Plawanka Rod. What the hell was he talking about? When we stepped into the basement I was surprised. I saw all kinds of unknown machinery, giant tanks of a strange glowing fluid, and an open drawer full of marble penisses from old greek statues. Anton closed the drawer and turned around to lean on it, and asked me again for this thing he called Plawanka Rod. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about. He smiled. "Check your left pocket." I reached into the pocket of my tight pink pants, and to my surprise I found a shiny cylinder with lettering on it that said 'Plawanka Rod version 11.6 Made in Taiwan'. Anton put the rod in one of the machines that instantly lit up. "Is that a Plawanka Rod in your pants or are you just happy to see me," he said, and laughed. "All you have to do is sit down on that crate there, and put your head in the thing that looks like a microwave. Then close your eyes, relax, and end your blog post in caps lock. The regeneration procedure will start then, and you will feel better soon."
"Who are you, Anton?" I asked. "I'll tell you everything about me and my work for the Pllltwah! Freedom Union after you regenerated. Now just relax, close your eyes, AND END YOUR BLOG POST IN CAPS LOCK."
zaterdag 17 augustus 2013
Yay! I have arrived in the USA!
Yay! USA! USA! USA! I'm here! For some reason I feel like I have been here before, but I don't have any memories of it. Strange, I also cannot remember where I got these pants...
Kil was standing at the airport with a sign that said "Raskolnikow", my Second Life avatar name. And even though we never met in RL (or AFK) before, it felt like it was meeting a good friend. Except she isn't as tall as she is inworld. I was very happy to be able to smoke a cigarette after about 12 hours of not smoking, and as you can see it took me only 3 minutes to look like an american cowboy, thanks Kil for the cool hat!
Kil stond op het vliegveld met een bord "Raskolnikow", mijn SL avatar naam, een grappig gezicht bij aankomst. En ook al hebben we elkaar in het echt nog nooit ontmoet, het was alsof ik eeen goede vriend zag, we kennen elkaar via internet al jaren. Op deze foto zie je me genieten van mijn eerste sigaret na 12 uur niet kunnen roken. En, zoals je ziet, ben ik na 3 minuten al volledig ingeburgerd dankzij de cowboyhoed die ik kreeg van Kil als een welkomscadeau.
Traffic in New York city is crazy. People here all seem te be very impatient to be first and get in front of the other, even in a traffic jam. The roads in NYC are one big maze, you can go to any direction at any given moment, and that just keeps going on an on. People are cutting each other off constantly, Kil drives a badass big 1500 RAM truck, so we were good.
Het verkeer in New York is een waar slagveld. Iedereen is ongeduldig, en netjes ritsen bij het invoegen doen ze hier niet. Iedereen duwt door en wie de grootste bek heeft is eerst. De snelweg van Kennedy Airport door de Bronx en verder naar het noorden bestaat uit een groot verkeersplein. Je kunt op elk moment kiezen welke kant je opgaat, constant zijn er af- en opritten, bruggen, tunnels, soms wel vier verdiepingen hoog. In het wilde verkeer waren wij gelukkig veilig, want Kil rijdt in een gigantische 1500 RAM truck. Foto daarvan volgt.
This is the main road of the town I'm staying at. It is really beautifull here. Around the town are mountains and rocks and and a wild river. Everythin is very spacey here, not like in Holland where everything is cluttered together. The town has a great hippie atmosphere, houses are all made of wood and painted in all different colors. The people are very friendly here, everyone says hello on the streets. Nobody locks their doors here it seems, there are no burglars here. Perhaps that's because people here all have guns. And like Kil says, you don't have to actually shoot to scare people away, if you reload a shotgun people will know the sound of it and run fast, 'cause those guns are so brutal, you don't even have to aim to do some damage, in fact, you don't even have to be on the same floor! Coming days I will be hanging out here, taking it easy, and visit parties tomorrow in celebration of the longest day of the year. There will be bands playing and choirs singing in the Widow Jane Mine.
Dit is de hoofdstraat in het stadje waar ik nu ben. Het is hier heel erg mooi, tussen rotsachtige bergen en bossen, en naast een wild stromende rivier. Er is hier overal heel veel ruimte, een groot verschil met Nederland. Het stadje is een soort hippie plaatsje, de houten huizen zijn allemaal geschilderd in vrolijke kleuren, en overal staan bloemen en handgeschilderde borden voor trommellessen en kunst winkeltjes. Niemand sluit hier de deur, zelfs niet als ze een hele dag gaan werken. Er zijn hier geen inbraken. Waarschijnlijk omdat de mensen hier allemaal bewapend zijn, zelfs oude omaatjes die alleen wonen. De komende dagen hang ik hier lekker rond, en morgen zijn er twee feesten om de langste dag van het jaar te vieren, met bandjes en koren die in de verlaten Widow Jane Mijn zingen.
Insects in the USA are huge, like most things are. You can see here this bug is almost the size of my sunglasses. I have no clue what kind of bug this is, and what it's doing. I almost stepped into it when Kil warned me, and pointed out the humongous monster. Bugs this size must be dangerous, they could bite off your leg or roll over your car if you make them angry. The only place where I saw bigger bugs was in the Windows Operating System.
Veel dingen zijn hier gigantisch, bijvoorbeel dit vreemde insect. Ik liep er bijna tegenop toen Kil me waarschuwde, en ik schrok me rot toen ik omhoog keek naar deze rare kever. Veel deed ie niet, een beetje lui liggen tussen de stenen, en dat was het zo'n beetje. Geen idee of ze bijten, maar gezien de grootte bijten ze zo je hoofd eraf als het moet. Ik begrijp steeds beter waarom mensen hier vuurwapens dragen.
Americans eat weird foods. This breakfast cereal has candy in it. It also shows that bears here are dressed as magicians and they grow beards. We don't have cereal like this in Holland, yet. I haven't tried this stuff yet, maybe I dare if I read more about bear magic and countermeasures like woodworm potions to break the curse.
Amerikanen eten rare dingen. Dit granenontbijt bestaat voor de helft uit snoep. Ik heb het nog niet geprobeerd, maar ik kan me voorstellen dat je er veel energie van krijgt, alleen al door de kleurstoffen. Ook kun je hier zien dat beren gekleed gaan als tovenaars en dat ze hun baard laten groeien. Waarschijnlijk levert dat een evolutionair voordeel op waardoor ze zich zo ontwikkeld hebben.
Here I am in the backyard of Dan's place. He has his own river. The water here has no smell to it and looks very clean. No visible fish though, but there are some nice waterbirds here that you don't see much in Holland. I edited this photo to make my legs look white as a vampire's legs, just for fun.
Dit is een tuinhuisje in de achtertuin van Dan, de overbuurman. Deze man heeft een gigantische tuin met een rivier erin. Het water is hier schoon en je kunt hier ook zwemmen. Er vliegen hier reigers rond, maar vis heb ik niet veel gezien.
We went to see the Widow Jane Mine, where they used to chissel and blow
out rocks to grind and turn into cement. Lots of famous buildings were
made by Rosendale cement, like the Empire State building, the building
the statue of liberty is on, and Michael Jackson's face. Inside the mine
there is water dripping everywhere and it formed a beautifull indoor
pool. I took some photo's of it but they didn't turn out that well, will
do that again later.
Dit is de Juffrouw Jannie Mijn, waar ze rotsen uitkapten om cement van te maken. De oude cementfabriek heeft een grote rol gespeeld in de geschiedenis van dit stadje. Het cement van hier is gebruikt in veel bekende gebouwen, zoals het Empire State Building, de onderste verdiepingen van het vrijheidsbeeld en het gezicht van Michael Jackson. Binnenin drupt overal water en is er een groot binnenmeertje ontstaan, de foto's daarvan zijn helaas niet gelukt.
Here you can see me biting a little chicken's ass.
More soon!
Kil was standing at the airport with a sign that said "Raskolnikow", my Second Life avatar name. And even though we never met in RL (or AFK) before, it felt like it was meeting a good friend. Except she isn't as tall as she is inworld. I was very happy to be able to smoke a cigarette after about 12 hours of not smoking, and as you can see it took me only 3 minutes to look like an american cowboy, thanks Kil for the cool hat!
Kil stond op het vliegveld met een bord "Raskolnikow", mijn SL avatar naam, een grappig gezicht bij aankomst. En ook al hebben we elkaar in het echt nog nooit ontmoet, het was alsof ik eeen goede vriend zag, we kennen elkaar via internet al jaren. Op deze foto zie je me genieten van mijn eerste sigaret na 12 uur niet kunnen roken. En, zoals je ziet, ben ik na 3 minuten al volledig ingeburgerd dankzij de cowboyhoed die ik kreeg van Kil als een welkomscadeau.
Traffic in New York city is crazy. People here all seem te be very impatient to be first and get in front of the other, even in a traffic jam. The roads in NYC are one big maze, you can go to any direction at any given moment, and that just keeps going on an on. People are cutting each other off constantly, Kil drives a badass big 1500 RAM truck, so we were good.
Het verkeer in New York is een waar slagveld. Iedereen is ongeduldig, en netjes ritsen bij het invoegen doen ze hier niet. Iedereen duwt door en wie de grootste bek heeft is eerst. De snelweg van Kennedy Airport door de Bronx en verder naar het noorden bestaat uit een groot verkeersplein. Je kunt op elk moment kiezen welke kant je opgaat, constant zijn er af- en opritten, bruggen, tunnels, soms wel vier verdiepingen hoog. In het wilde verkeer waren wij gelukkig veilig, want Kil rijdt in een gigantische 1500 RAM truck. Foto daarvan volgt.
This is the main road of the town I'm staying at. It is really beautifull here. Around the town are mountains and rocks and and a wild river. Everythin is very spacey here, not like in Holland where everything is cluttered together. The town has a great hippie atmosphere, houses are all made of wood and painted in all different colors. The people are very friendly here, everyone says hello on the streets. Nobody locks their doors here it seems, there are no burglars here. Perhaps that's because people here all have guns. And like Kil says, you don't have to actually shoot to scare people away, if you reload a shotgun people will know the sound of it and run fast, 'cause those guns are so brutal, you don't even have to aim to do some damage, in fact, you don't even have to be on the same floor! Coming days I will be hanging out here, taking it easy, and visit parties tomorrow in celebration of the longest day of the year. There will be bands playing and choirs singing in the Widow Jane Mine.
Dit is de hoofdstraat in het stadje waar ik nu ben. Het is hier heel erg mooi, tussen rotsachtige bergen en bossen, en naast een wild stromende rivier. Er is hier overal heel veel ruimte, een groot verschil met Nederland. Het stadje is een soort hippie plaatsje, de houten huizen zijn allemaal geschilderd in vrolijke kleuren, en overal staan bloemen en handgeschilderde borden voor trommellessen en kunst winkeltjes. Niemand sluit hier de deur, zelfs niet als ze een hele dag gaan werken. Er zijn hier geen inbraken. Waarschijnlijk omdat de mensen hier allemaal bewapend zijn, zelfs oude omaatjes die alleen wonen. De komende dagen hang ik hier lekker rond, en morgen zijn er twee feesten om de langste dag van het jaar te vieren, met bandjes en koren die in de verlaten Widow Jane Mijn zingen.
Insects in the USA are huge, like most things are. You can see here this bug is almost the size of my sunglasses. I have no clue what kind of bug this is, and what it's doing. I almost stepped into it when Kil warned me, and pointed out the humongous monster. Bugs this size must be dangerous, they could bite off your leg or roll over your car if you make them angry. The only place where I saw bigger bugs was in the Windows Operating System.
Veel dingen zijn hier gigantisch, bijvoorbeel dit vreemde insect. Ik liep er bijna tegenop toen Kil me waarschuwde, en ik schrok me rot toen ik omhoog keek naar deze rare kever. Veel deed ie niet, een beetje lui liggen tussen de stenen, en dat was het zo'n beetje. Geen idee of ze bijten, maar gezien de grootte bijten ze zo je hoofd eraf als het moet. Ik begrijp steeds beter waarom mensen hier vuurwapens dragen.
Americans eat weird foods. This breakfast cereal has candy in it. It also shows that bears here are dressed as magicians and they grow beards. We don't have cereal like this in Holland, yet. I haven't tried this stuff yet, maybe I dare if I read more about bear magic and countermeasures like woodworm potions to break the curse.
Amerikanen eten rare dingen. Dit granenontbijt bestaat voor de helft uit snoep. Ik heb het nog niet geprobeerd, maar ik kan me voorstellen dat je er veel energie van krijgt, alleen al door de kleurstoffen. Ook kun je hier zien dat beren gekleed gaan als tovenaars en dat ze hun baard laten groeien. Waarschijnlijk levert dat een evolutionair voordeel op waardoor ze zich zo ontwikkeld hebben.
Here I am in the backyard of Dan's place. He has his own river. The water here has no smell to it and looks very clean. No visible fish though, but there are some nice waterbirds here that you don't see much in Holland. I edited this photo to make my legs look white as a vampire's legs, just for fun.
Dit is een tuinhuisje in de achtertuin van Dan, de overbuurman. Deze man heeft een gigantische tuin met een rivier erin. Het water is hier schoon en je kunt hier ook zwemmen. Er vliegen hier reigers rond, maar vis heb ik niet veel gezien.
Dit is de Juffrouw Jannie Mijn, waar ze rotsen uitkapten om cement van te maken. De oude cementfabriek heeft een grote rol gespeeld in de geschiedenis van dit stadje. Het cement van hier is gebruikt in veel bekende gebouwen, zoals het Empire State Building, de onderste verdiepingen van het vrijheidsbeeld en het gezicht van Michael Jackson. Binnenin drupt overal water en is er een groot binnenmeertje ontstaan, de foto's daarvan zijn helaas niet gelukt.
Here you can see me biting a little chicken's ass.
More soon!
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